Football Jokes

PerfectOption

PerfectOption

Hard Rock Stadium Survivor
Joined
Sep 20, 2008
Messages
5,646
Changed some of these around, but they're pretty funny.

1. Q: What's the difference between the Duke football team and a box of Rice Krispies?
A: Rice Krispies go in a bowl.

2. Q: A Tech grad and a Dawg grad both jump off a cliff at the same time. Who lands first?
A: The Tech grad because the Dawg grad would have to stop to ask for directions.

3. Q: Did you hear about the Hokie fan that missed this year's game?
A: They saw a sign that said "GA Tech LEFT" so they went home.

4. Q: Why don't they teach sex ed and driver ed at
FSU?
A: They don't want the mule to get too tired.

5. Q. Why was the UGA football team late for last year's game?
A. Because everytime they passed a sign for 'Clean Restrooms,' they did.

Just a little fun to get everyone to Saturday. :)
 
Three Tech fans and three UGA fans take a train to the big game. The tech fans buy three tickets, but the UGA fans only buy one.

"How are you gonna get by with just one ticket?" asked one Tech fan.
"Watch and learn, Techies!" they said.

They boarded the train and the three UGA fans got into one of the lavatories. When the conductor came around and clicked the tickets, he took up the Tech fans' tickets, then knocked on the door of the lavatory.

"Ticket, please!" said the conductor. A hand snaked out of the door with one ticket and the conductor took it up. "Thank you!" he said. When they got off the train, the Tech fans we pretty impressed with the trick.

"That was pretty cool," they said, "you guys gonna do that on the way back, too?"

"Yup!" Answered the Dawgs.

On the way back, the UGA fans again bought one ticket, but this time the Tech fans didn't buy any tickets at all.

"How are you gonna get by with no tickets?" asked one UGA fan.
"Watch and learn," replied the Tech fans.

The UGA fans got into the lavatory again with their one ticket, and the Tech fans got into the lavatory across from it. After a few minutes, one Tech fan got out and knocked on the lavatory with UGA fan in it.

"Ticket, please!" he said... :D
 
Here, let me dust off this classic:

A clemson fan on vacation in Florida sees a sign that says, "Three day cruise to the Bahamas, just $200, meals and lodging included!" He goes to the address and gives them the money. As soon as he does this, a guy hits him on the head with an aluminum bat, puts him on a raft with a can of sardines and a blanket, and shoves him out to sea. He regains consciousness several hours later when his raft bumps up against a UGA fan's raft. This conversation then occurred:

Clemmons: Paid $200 for a cruise to the Bahamas?"
Dawg: "Yep."
Clemmons: "Think they're going to send someone out to get us in three days?"
Dawg: "They didn't last year. Gonna eat those sardines?"
 
I'll try not to ruin this one.


Bar installs a robot bartender with the ability to converse with anyone based on their IQ.

Robot bartender goes up to the first patron and asks "What would you like to drink?"
"Whiskey" states patron 1.
Robot bartender asks the patron what his IQ is and the patron states 175. Robot bartender proceeds to converse with the patron about theoretical physics, rocket science and brain surgery. After a long and involved discussion of the topics, the patron pays his bill and gratefully thanks the robot bartender for the challenging and interesting discussion.

Robot bartender goes up to patron #2
"What would you like to drink?"
"a nice Lager" states patron #2
Robot bartender asks the patron what his IQ is and the patron states 145. Robot bartender proceeds to converse with the patron about engineering principles, automobile design, Architecture, and various other technical topics. After a long and involved discussion of the topics, the patron pays his bill and gratefully thanks the robot bartender for the challenging and interesting discussion.

Robot bartender goes up to patron #3
"What would you like to drink?"
"light beer" states patron #3
Robot bartender asks the patron what his IQ is and the patron states "about 55". Robot bartender says "How 'bout them dawgs!"
 
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Q. What does Ohio State and marijuana have in common?

A. You put them in a bowl and they get smoked.
 
What do you do when a UGA grad shows up on your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.

How do you make a UGA player laugh on Friday?
Tell them a joke on Tuesday.

What does an intelligent UGA grad and Bigfoot have in common?
They have never been spotted.
 
Here's one that I used in an interview, didn't go over quite well with the nadlickers to this day they still remember.

How do you get a diploma from uga?

Drive with your window down!

Old one but it hurt a lot of nadlickers in my area.
 
Three buddies go into a bathroom, one's a Tech grad, one's a Clemson grad, and one's a Ugag grad.

After they finish, the Clemson fan washes his hands for 30 seconds, using soap and rewashing several times. In explanation, he says, "At Clemson, they taught us the importance of good hygiene and cleanliness."

The Ugag fan washes his hands for only five seconds, and lets the air dry them off after. In explanation, he says, "At U[sic]GA, they taught us the importance of conserving natural resources like water and paper."

The Tech grad walks out of the bathroom without washing his hands. Seeing his friends' holier-than-thou looks, he turns to them and says "At Tech, we're smart enough to not piss all over our goddamn hands."
 
Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Some DUMB****S want to move the ****ing Georgia game to the OPENING WEEKEND.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I'M TOTALLY ****ING SERIOUS LETS GO BURN SOME **** TO THE GROUND
 
The Jacket said:
Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Some DUMB****S want to move the ****ing Georgia game to the OPENING WEEKEND.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I'M TOTALLY ****ING SERIOUS LETS GO BURN SOME **** TO THE GROUND
Click to expand...

:laugher: :laugher: :laugher: :laugher: :laugher:
 
A classic.

Did you hear about the fire at the UGA library?

Naw, how terrible!

Yup, all the books were destroyed.

Gawd, that's awful.

Yup, worst thing is only half of 'em been colored in.
 
What do Georgia Tech fans and UGA fans have in common? They both never went to UGA.


Why did they cancel Christmas at UGA? -Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin


Three Georgia football players are riding together in a car. Who's driving? The state trooper.


A lady called the UGA police to report a car jacking. They said they were too busy right now and for her to just get the jersey number and call back later.


A man walks into a bar and declares, "I have the best UGA joke ever." A couple of patrons tell him, "You see over there? Those three large men played line for UGA, and those two guys over there are former linebackers. So tell me, you still want to tell that joke?" To which the man replied, "Heck NO!, I don't want to have to explain this joke five times."


Wal-Mart: UGA's uniform shop since 1962


Four college alumni were climbing a mountain: one from Georgia, Georgia Tech, Florida and Notre Dame. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal. When they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be outdone, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!" Seeing this, the Georgia Tech grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Yellow Jackets!" and pushed the Bulldogs fan off the mountain.



Coach Richt looked over to his star player and said, "I know I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. How about I ask you a math question to prove you know your math so you can play?" The player agreed and the coach asked the following question, "Okay, what is 2+2?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4." Suddenly, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"


Why do graduates from UGA hang their diplomas in their windshields? Because then they can park in handicapped spaces.


It was reported that Georgia head football coach Mark Richt will only be dressing twenty players for the Georgia Tech game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.


Q: What do you get when you cross a Georgia Bulldawg with an Arkansas Razorback? A; Nothing. There are certain things even a pig won't do.


A Tech student is driving to Athens for a party and a UGA fan is driving south to go hunting. It's raining and they both collide, crossing the median of 316 getting in a terrible accident. The Tech guy says, "it's a miracle we're alive. I've got a bottle of really good tequila in back that didn't get broken. Let's set aside the rivalry and celebrate the fact that we're both still alive." The UGA guy says OK and takes a long pull from the bottle. He hands it over to the Tech student who says "No thanks, I'll wait until after the cops show up."



What's the difference between a UGA grad and a picnic table? A picnic table can support a family.
 
mtownjacket said:
coach richt looked over to his star player and said, "i know i'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. How about i ask you a math question to prove you know your math so you can play?" the player agreed and the coach asked the following question, "okay, what is 2+2?" the player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4." suddenly, all the other players on the team began screaming, "come on coach, give him another chance!"
Click to expand...

:10: :10: :10: :10: :10:
 
gth816f said:
The Tech grad walks out of the bathroom without washing his hands. Seeing his friends' holier-than-thou looks, he turns to them and says "At Tech, we're smart enough to not piss all over our goddamn hands."
Click to expand...

I get the punchline, but you really should wash your hands.
 
Mark Richt and Paul Johnson both tragically die on the same day. Upon getting to heaven God approaches both of them and asks Paul to wait while he shows Mark around. God takes CMR and shows him the pearly gates, the streets of Gold, the angels, and they approach a small house decorated with UGA banners. God tells CMR that this is his home in heaven for eternity. CMR is pleased as it is a nice house. However, Mark looks across the clouds and sees a huge mansion painted White with Gold Columns completely covered with GT banners and decorations. CMR turns to God and says, "God while on earth I was a good christian man, adopted several deserving children, went on mission trips, and was the best person I could be." God replies, "That is correct Mark and your dedication and service was greatly appreciated." To this CMR replies, "then why have I gotten this small house when Paul Johnson has recieved that glorious mansion on the hill." God looks as CMR very disapprovingly and finally says, "Mark don't be silly that is not Coach Paul Johnson's house, it is mine."
 
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