LegendaryGT
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- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Messages
- 62,557
You guys need a break from thinking about how bad GT football is. My humble offering: how bad all college football next week is.
Hello, and welcome aboard This Week In Foobaw - Terrible Cruise Edition, where our motto is, "You buy the ticket, you take the ride."
Please refrain from flinging yourselves overboard to be devoured by sea creatures; although these waters are shark infested, the sharks are coming off a 48-10 loss to FIU leading into their game this week against some pissed off hillbillies with muskets who just lost a game to some turtles. They are confused, hurt, and afraid, and they will not bite you.
Instead, a complementary fan-suicide booth is available for your convenience behind the cash bar. Some have said it seems inhumane, but we have yet to receive any complaints. About the booth, that is.
Friday, September 10
7:30 PM - Kansas at Central Carolina. Please check in at the reception desk somewhere in 'Carolina' to watch our instructional safety video about on-board bird fights. You're either going to love or hate this cruise, depending on whether or not you're a terrible person. For legal reasons, we will say no more, but bring extra cash, we're going into international waters.
Also around this time - A team way cooler than Duke will probably lose to Duke, but maybe not.
Saturday, September 11
11:00 AM - Illinois at UVA. Our cruise departs from Virginia, way earlier than anyone is prepared for, whereupon you will become ILL.
Also before you get your sea legs - WKU travels to Army, and that could be fun for some of you and induce vomiting in others.
12:00 O' Noon - Oregon at Ohio State. A team that had trouble with something called a Fresno looks to cause further trouble for a team that had trouble with something called Golden Gophers. These are neither nautical terms nor exotic tropical diseases, and it's probably not going to get any better than this. You should have figured that out when it was the only thing on the brochure.
Kennesaw State at Georgia Tech - We bring football's most entangulated logo straight to your knees, concierge service. Dare I say more? No. I daren't.
Also around this time - Wyoming at NIU. Guests are invited to a complementary man-ball Q&A session in the main hall with Craig Bohl. A fan-suicide booth is available at the end of this event. It is Craig Bohl, who will kill you with his forehead, and also sign autographs.
Middle Tennessee State at Virginia Tech - As advertised, our "Grand Upper Decker" event of the afternoon! Watch the sunset comfortably from the upper deck as our professional team of Blue Raiders re-enacts a Viking conquest against some ill prepared and overconfident peasants on the shore. No children, please.
3:30 PM - UAB at UGA. Welcome to Athens, home of the B-52s. The B-52s lead singer came out in 2010, but the home football team has yet to officially reveal its true sexual orientation. Could today be the lucky day? We should probably have charged more, if so! This potential hangover game may also function as a hangover cure, for those of you who have them, since it is likely to compel a new round of drinking.
Also around this time - Iowa at ISU. Join us in our glass-bottom yachts for a cruise out over the cornfields of Iowa, where you will probably not like what you see during the brief annual flourishing of local wildlife known to marine footbiallogists as 'El Assico'. How the hell did we end up here, and how will we escape?
7:00 PM - Appalachian State at Miami. Limited seating available! (HA) Hypnotist Shawn Clark takes a group of our guests out under the mystical stars to reveal a deeper level of understanding. After last week's game against Alabama, Miami probably thinks it is not ready to play big boy football, but the masterful Clark will dig deep into their subconscious and show them the life-changing reality of the situation, live and in person!
Also around this time - NCST at MSST. Mizzou at Kentucky. Guests are free to wander around doing whatever, I guess.
Washington at Michigan. We will make a stop at the completely submerged wreck of what was previously looking like a decent game. SCUBA gear not provided.
Taco Bell Fourthmeal - Vanderbilt at CSU. Guests who stay up this late can attend our Fyre Festival re-enactment in the dining hall.
Utah at BYU. Apologies to our guests, arrangements for this event have been moved to the Big 12 area on short notice.
Stanford at USC. Please join us on the prow of the ship for a nighttime iceberg spotting contest. BYOFL.
Hawaii at Oregon State. You have been formally notified in the waivers you signed before boarding that we have not verified the identities of any of the staff or passengers and security is not provided. Remain outside your cabin after the midnight hour at your own risk, and please enjoy the cruise.
Hello, and welcome aboard This Week In Foobaw - Terrible Cruise Edition, where our motto is, "You buy the ticket, you take the ride."
Please refrain from flinging yourselves overboard to be devoured by sea creatures; although these waters are shark infested, the sharks are coming off a 48-10 loss to FIU leading into their game this week against some pissed off hillbillies with muskets who just lost a game to some turtles. They are confused, hurt, and afraid, and they will not bite you.
Instead, a complementary fan-suicide booth is available for your convenience behind the cash bar. Some have said it seems inhumane, but we have yet to receive any complaints. About the booth, that is.
Friday, September 10
7:30 PM - Kansas at Central Carolina. Please check in at the reception desk somewhere in 'Carolina' to watch our instructional safety video about on-board bird fights. You're either going to love or hate this cruise, depending on whether or not you're a terrible person. For legal reasons, we will say no more, but bring extra cash, we're going into international waters.
Also around this time - A team way cooler than Duke will probably lose to Duke, but maybe not.
Saturday, September 11
11:00 AM - Illinois at UVA. Our cruise departs from Virginia, way earlier than anyone is prepared for, whereupon you will become ILL.
Also before you get your sea legs - WKU travels to Army, and that could be fun for some of you and induce vomiting in others.
12:00 O' Noon - Oregon at Ohio State. A team that had trouble with something called a Fresno looks to cause further trouble for a team that had trouble with something called Golden Gophers. These are neither nautical terms nor exotic tropical diseases, and it's probably not going to get any better than this. You should have figured that out when it was the only thing on the brochure.
Kennesaw State at Georgia Tech - We bring football's most entangulated logo straight to your knees, concierge service. Dare I say more? No. I daren't.
Also around this time - Wyoming at NIU. Guests are invited to a complementary man-ball Q&A session in the main hall with Craig Bohl. A fan-suicide booth is available at the end of this event. It is Craig Bohl, who will kill you with his forehead, and also sign autographs.
Middle Tennessee State at Virginia Tech - As advertised, our "Grand Upper Decker" event of the afternoon! Watch the sunset comfortably from the upper deck as our professional team of Blue Raiders re-enacts a Viking conquest against some ill prepared and overconfident peasants on the shore. No children, please.
3:30 PM - UAB at UGA. Welcome to Athens, home of the B-52s. The B-52s lead singer came out in 2010, but the home football team has yet to officially reveal its true sexual orientation. Could today be the lucky day? We should probably have charged more, if so! This potential hangover game may also function as a hangover cure, for those of you who have them, since it is likely to compel a new round of drinking.
Also around this time - Iowa at ISU. Join us in our glass-bottom yachts for a cruise out over the cornfields of Iowa, where you will probably not like what you see during the brief annual flourishing of local wildlife known to marine footbiallogists as 'El Assico'. How the hell did we end up here, and how will we escape?
7:00 PM - Appalachian State at Miami. Limited seating available! (HA) Hypnotist Shawn Clark takes a group of our guests out under the mystical stars to reveal a deeper level of understanding. After last week's game against Alabama, Miami probably thinks it is not ready to play big boy football, but the masterful Clark will dig deep into their subconscious and show them the life-changing reality of the situation, live and in person!
Also around this time - NCST at MSST. Mizzou at Kentucky. Guests are free to wander around doing whatever, I guess.
Washington at Michigan. We will make a stop at the completely submerged wreck of what was previously looking like a decent game. SCUBA gear not provided.
Taco Bell Fourthmeal - Vanderbilt at CSU. Guests who stay up this late can attend our Fyre Festival re-enactment in the dining hall.
Utah at BYU. Apologies to our guests, arrangements for this event have been moved to the Big 12 area on short notice.
Stanford at USC. Please join us on the prow of the ship for a nighttime iceberg spotting contest. BYOFL.
Hawaii at Oregon State. You have been formally notified in the waivers you signed before boarding that we have not verified the identities of any of the staff or passengers and security is not provided. Remain outside your cabin after the midnight hour at your own risk, and please enjoy the cruise.