This Week In Foobaw 2017 Week 4 (In Foobaw)

LegendaryGT

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The games have all really come together this week. Our schedule is almost completely clear of marquee matchups and competitive-looking underdogs, and being week 4, our unknowns and question marks from the off season have largely been crossed off. With all the lights and the weather out of the way, all that's left to do is to sit back and let the darkness show you the rare treat that truly shines from time to time in college football. That thin scattering of distant faint points up there, twinkling brilliantly all around the dome of the sky? That's revenge. And it's beautiful all on its own.

Thursday, September 21

7:30 PM - Temple at #21 South Florida.
This series is only three games old now, but the last meeting between the two knocked USF out of first place in the AAC East, just as USF QB phenomenon Quinton Flowers was knocked out of the game in the 4th quarter. Down 7 with the ball and 5 minutes to go, USF's backup Brett Kean threw a pick to their own 3 yard line, which was turned into a rushing touchdown on the next play by the inimitably named Jahad Thomas. To cement the disaster, somebody threw an illegal block at the USF 5 yard line on the ensuing kickoff, and Kean was sacked on the very next play. In the end zone. And he fumbled. It was mercifully recovered by a South Florida player for a safety, and Temple would go on to win by 16. Temple doesn't return its quarterback , but it does return RB Ryquell Armstead, who set his career rushing record in this game at 210 yards. You can bet your bottom dollar that the Bulls think this game should've been theirs with Flowers on the field, and now it's payback time.
-Revenge rating: The Rock versus Mick Foley.

Friday, September 22

8:00 PM - Virginia at Boise State.
The last, first, and only contest between these two came in 2015, under former head coach Mike London of the Cavaliers. On the first play from scrimmage, quarterback Matt Johns threw a pick six to a 300 lb defensive lineman, and would you believe the game only went downhill from there? Starting true freshman Brett Rypien in his first game after the starter broke an ankle in the previous game, the Broncos couldn't stop scoring, ending the game 56-14 including another late pick six by a guy aptly named Mercy. With 5 turnovers and 9 penalties for 80 yards on the day, UVA never had a chance, despite holding Boise to 3-14 on third downs. This trip sees the Cavs travelling to Idaho, to repay their debt of embarrassment on the Smurf Turf™. With Rypien questionable due to concussion, and sporting the coach of the 2015 BYU squad that defeated that year's Boise team, the Hoos are looking to kick 'em while they are down. It's payback time.
-Revenge rating: scathing Google Maps review on a public park.

10:30 PM - #23 Utah at Arizona. Last year's game between these two saw Utah's first win in four tries, and was an especially sweet occasion for the Utes, marking off the milestones of head coach Kyle Wittingham's 100th win and his first defeat of Rich Rodgriguez, the last coach in the Pac 12 he had not yet defeated. As sweet as it was for Wittingham, it was sour for Rodriguez, who famously quipped after the game "What do you want me to do, quit? We're just going to go down here and hitchhike home and go feel sorry for ourselves and just cancel the season." Arizona would lose their next 5 games and finish the year 3-9 (1-8). So I think it's safe to say that you know this game holds a note of serious rage for every person who will step into the Arizona locker room this Friday. The Utes are flying high, ranked 1 spot ahead of where they were last year in this contest, and Arizona's sloppy loss to Houston in week 2 could make them easy to overlook. That would be a mistake, though. They are looking for payback, and the time is now.
-Revenge rating:


Saturday, September 23: International Revenge Day

12:00 PM - NC State at #12 Florida State.
Dave Doeren has not beaten Jimbo Fisher in ACC play, and at 4IAR, it's getting ugly in this series for the Wolfpack head man. Neither team could put it together in week 1 against SEC competition, but NCST has had a few tune-up games heading into this one that might aid them. FSU hasn't had to play since Alabama, and now starting a guy at QB who wasn't even enrolled last year, might just be wallowing in misery. It is absolutely possible to have two hangover weeks and then a hangover game, just ask Miami. They have hangover half-seasons. If you've ever watched the discovery channel, you probably already know the hunting practices of the wolf pack: they prey on the injured and weak. And this wolf pack is hungry, with a sizeable meal in sight. A meal of payback.
-Revenge rating: the fourth crusade.

12:00 PM - Texas Tech at Houston. The first modern game between these schools featured Kevin Sumlin and Mike Leach, the next saw Mike Leach replaced with Tommy Tuberville, and this one will feature an all new cast of Major Applewhite and Kliff Kingsbury. Last played in 2010, the current win streak in the on-and-off-again series between these neighbors stands at 1 in favor of Texas Tech. That game didn't do anything to save Tubberville's career, nor did it do anything to hurt Sumlin's, nor was it particularly embarrassing to either program. That said, owning a topsy-turvy win over Arizona, Houston is a dangerous program for an opponent that seems to frequently forget to field a defense. Houston would like to prevent a real streak and retain its 7 game lead in the all time series history, and in order to do that, it must seek payback.
-Revenge rating: polite Canadian disagreement.

12:20 PM - Pittsburgh at Georgia Tech. Pitt has handed Georgia Tech two heartbreaking losses on last second long-bomb field goals in the last two games, but now the guy who kicked those field goals is gone, and so is just about everybody else who was a part of either of those Pitt teams. On the other sideline stands a man with previous back to back wins over the Panthers under his belt, Paul Johnson, who joins Bobby Dodd and John Heisman as the only other coaches in GT history to do so. And now, there's nothing standing between him... and payback.
-Revenge rating:
 
3:30 PM - #1 Alabama at Vanderbilt. The last time you can find a loss in the books for a top two Alabama team against an unranked Vanderbilt in Nashville was 1993, and it looked like this. If you just watched that whole thing and thought to yourself, what the hell? Alabama won that game 17-6? You're not wrong. Alabama would later forfeit every game of the 1993 season except their bowl against North Carolina due to NCAA punishment. Vanderbilt's last real home win came in 1969, in the middle of Bear Bryant's 12th season at the helm for Alabama. It's probably not going to happen again this year, but this Vanderbilt team under Derek Mason has surprised a few folks, and Saban's Alabama has been shown to be surprisable just once per season in SEC play, so hey, who knows. Vanderbilt can dream... of payback.
-Revenge rating: fantasizing doing something mean in secret to your jerk boss, then still being fired by him in your own imagination anyways, even though that's not part of your fantasy.

3:30 PM - #5 USC at California. The current win streak stands at 12 for USC in this series, if you don't count the one they vacated. It would seem that Cal is hopelessly outmatched again this year, but struggles against Western Michigan and Texas show that there is definitely vulnerability to be found on the USC side. Cal's dominating win against Ole Miss, in which it made the Ole Miss QB cry on the field inbetween plays on their final drive, should give Golden Bears fans hope... for payback.
-Revenge rating: After a long peaceful Jedi reign, Darth Maul reveals his presence to seek revenge. He looks real cool and kills a dude, but still dies falling down a bottomless shaft after being cut in half.

3:30 PM - #16 TCU at #6 Oklahoma State. Oklahoma State has won 4 of 5 and 2IAR since TCU joined conference play, and this looks like one of Mike Gundy's best mullets yet. These teams both got their rankings in a random drawing after beating up also-rans and nobodies, so who actually knows how this will shake out. All we know is that both teams need this win to stay in contention for the Big 12 title and a shot at the CFP, which will surely require any Big 12 team to go undefeated, as we have seen demonstrated in the recent past. And I guess that pretty much overshadows the importance here of payback.
-Revenge rating: reaching the summit of mount Everest to knock it off your bucket list. You just know your top-of-the-world selfie will secretly make your ex angry for a day or two, which is a bonus.

3:30 PM - Toledo at #14 Miami. The rockets look pretty good so far this season, and so should be a vigorous tune-up game for the Canes before they head into conference play, which is good for them because they haven't really played a game of football this season. If they have trouble getting started, look for this to be a close thriller, since Toledo sports a pretty solid offense, but more than anything look for this game to provide payback for Miami against Irma. On the flip side, it will be Toledo's shot to avenge their loss to Miami in 1987, the only other meeting between these two teams, all time. Ever since that 24-14 snub when most millennials were still living with their parents (HA), Toledo has been watching, waiting, biding their time, brooding. Now they're ready for payback.
-Revenge rating: somebody you last saw in high school keys your car at the 25 year class reunion because you cut him in line in the cafeteria that one time.

3:30 PM - Duke at North Carolina. Duke owns the most recent win in the series, which would make you think that it was UNC taking revenge, but that's simply not how it works in this match up. Cutcliffe is a very vindictive SOB, and the last time he took revenge on UNC, he did it by first winning a game by only 3 points, then winning the next game by only 2. Duke won the last game in this series by 1, so now it's up to coach Cut to find a way to needle the Tarheels in a win by 0 points. Perhaps he's going to engage in psychological warfare and get the coaches, players, and fans ejected from the stadium, perhaps he's going to leverage a freak thunderstorm lightning delay to force UNC to forfeit a tie game just so they can get out of the stadium before 4 AM the next day, perhaps he's going to lose this game, then watch as UNC has to forfeit it to the NCAA, but all I know is that the last laugh will be his, and if the pattern holds, on some technicality. And as we all know, technical payback is the best kind.
-Revenge rating: flipping off David Cutcliffe in traffic, then getting stuck behind him on a one lane road and he knows it's you back there.

4:00 PM - #8 Michigan at Purdue. Would you believe that the current win streak in this series is only 3 by Michigan? Purdue has been so bad for long enough now, it's easy to forget that Rich Rodriguez lost two in a row to Purdue not all that long ago. These teams haven't played since 2012, and this will be the first game presided over by either current head coach, Jim Harbaugh or Jeff Brohm, who is bringing a bizarrely competent and aggressive Boilermakers team to the field against a star-studded Michigan roster that is struggling at the most inopportune time on offense. If Purdue can avoid surrendering points off turnovers and on special teams, could Jeff Brohm claim the kind of long term payback that most Purdue fans can only imagine in their post-apocalyptic fantasies?
-Revenge rating:
jon-7-hrs-while-you-were-doing-drugs-istudied-the-2636453.png

7:00 PM - #17 Mississippi State at #11 Georgia. Georgia won the last meeting between these two teams, which featured Dan Mullen and Mark Richt in 2011. Mullen is back, and Kirby Smart won't be able to stop him from turning Athens into Pound Town. The pass defense is just too weak, the offense is just not good enough. The bulldogs showed themselves to be a good team against LSU, incredibly physical on defense tenacious enough on offense to deal with anything LSU could throw at them. The dwags aren't going to be able to ride a depth deficit and their opponents awful coaching to a 1 point win in this one. As the first in a two game series where Mullen will exact his revenge, it's on like Donkey Kong, and the question isn't whether there will be payback or not, it's only how much will be paid.
-Revenge rating: battle of Carthage, 149 BC.

7:00 PM - #22 San Diego State at Air Force. The current win streak stands at 6 for SDSU, in a series last played in 2015. Fresh off an upset of highly ranked Stanford, and sporting another P5 win over Arizona State, SDSU looks like the prize of the G5, but Air Force ain't bad either. Taking a dream season away would be striking form in avenging 6 consecutive losses, and while the Falcons aren't a petty team, you have to know they'd enjoy just that kind of payback.
-Revenge rating: Hamlet, probably.

7:30 PM - #20 Florida at Kentucky. The campiest and longest running gag-reel quest of all revenge games. One of these days, Kentucky will take vengeance, and it will be a cosmic-alignment-like occurrence, probably involving the literal intervention of an actual ancestral ghost who guides the quarterback and linebackers unerringly to their targets even though the coaches have long ago given up. Currently, the win streak stands at 30 for Florida in this series. It is the longest win steak in SEC history and, even though Florida has proven to be nearly useless on offense this year, stands to be extended by another game due to the extremely 'meh' nature of this year's rendition of wildcat football. Keep true to yourselves on the quest for payback, Kentucky fans, and understand that the dread pirate you seek is not actually Mike Leach; it is a state of mind that has belonged to many men over the years, which you may one day inherit if you are pure of heart and yet still somehow unabashedly roguish.
-Revenge rating:
 
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10:00 PM - #7 Washington at Colorado. The grudge match made of the Pac 12 championship game that helped Washington play its way "In" last year doesn't look very good for Colorado on paper, but Washington had some extreme struggles against a Rutgers team which is among the worst in the land. The Huskies have had the chance to blow out two (even) lesser opponents since, but this will be their first chance to stumble against quality opposition. Make no mistake, Colorado is a quality team, and will absolutely be looking for maximum payback against the great whale of the Pac 12 North that wrecked their ship last season, and has beat them in 7 straight.
-Revenge rating: Moby Dick.

10:00 PM - #24 Oregon at Arizona State. Oregon is fast again, and Arizona State has come all the way off the rails. After losing 10 straight to eclipse the longest win streak in series history (that they previously owned), it appears the Sun Devils are about to adopt a new tactic for revenge. They are going to surrender a loss so total that it transforms every other game on the Oregon schedule into a bland, monotonous sequence of unmemorable moments, with each kickoff just the next in an increasingly dull set of thuds from the plodding feet beneath the Duck faithful. They will always tromp forward into the gray tundra of game after game, unable to reclaim that glorious moment, cold and without succor in the meaningless ennui that follows. Either that or they will finally win and just reclaim payback that way, but probably not.
-Revenge rating: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/23/terry-hoskins-ohio-man-bu_n_472845.html

10:30 PM - UCLA at Stanford. Stanford has won 9 in a row now, encompassing the end of the Rick Neuheisel era, and the entire tenure of Jim Mora. The new head man for the Bruins appeared to have the ship in good shape in the first two games, but got stunned by Memphis at the same time as Stanford dropped to SDSU. The iron is hot for revenge here, and UCLA needs to strike now and not worry about any elaborate schemes if it wants to reclaim payback, but both teams are likely to be a psychological mess in this extremely questionable Pac 12 after dark contender.
-Revenge rating: Walking into your jerk boss's office during a late work day and finding out he's banging his secretary. Your move.

Sunday, September 24

12:00 PM - East Carolina at Connecticut.
East Carolina lost to its FCS foe for the year, then got blasted in two more games against decent teams. Decent would be hyperbolic exaggeration of anything Connecticut has done this year, narrowly avoiding defeat at the hands of Holy Cross, then being overwhelmed by the University of Freaking Virginia, so this features to be a strong contender for worst game of the year. They even gave it its very own day, in case you're the kind of person who can't avoid watching college football as long as it's on your television. Who cares what the series streaks are or who won last time or by how much? This time, both of these teams are cooperating to exact their revenge. They are getting payback on you.
-Revenge rating:
the_ring_66329.jpg
 
Never realized the Temple USF game was so dramatic in epic fail-i-tude last year. Thanks for edumacating me!
 
12:00 PM - NC State at #12 Florida State. Dave Doeren has not beaten Jimbo Fisher in ACC play, and at 4IAR, it's getting ugly in this series for the Wolfpack head man. Neither team could put it together in week 1 against SEC competition, but NCST has had a few tune-up games heading into this one that might aid them. FSU hasn't had to play since Alabama, and now starting a guy at QB who wasn't even enrolled last year, might just be wallowing in misery. It is absolutely possible to have two hangover weeks and then a hangover game, just ask Miami. They have hangover half-seasons. If you've ever watched the discovery channel, you probably already know the hunting practices of the wolf pack: they prey on the injured and weak. And this wolf pack is hungry, with a sizeable meal in sight. A meal of payback.
-Revenge rating: the fourth crusade.
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4:00 PM - #8 Michigan at Purdue. Would you believe that the current win streak in this series is only 3 by Michigan? Purdue has been so bad for long enough now, it's easy to forget that
What's apparently easy to forget is that Purdue has never gained a single football yard in the program's history. Blowout city, book it. Michigan wins 16-0.
Image Tech going from Neuheisel to Mora.
I can image strangling you, shut your mouth what is wrong with you
12:00 PM - East Carolina at Connecticut.
Connecticut is going to win this game and it's going to be a bloodbath. I like East Carolina's colors and their bangin-ass field, so I've watched them when I could and I feel confident that no FBS school has fielded a team capable of losing to the Pirates. Maybe instead of holding a circle jerk in pUCF's little punk bitch stadium, the National Guard should be on their way to Storrs before more ECU players and fans end up worse than dead.
12:20 PM - Pittsburgh at Georgia Tech.
We're going to commit hate crimes against this team Saturday. We're going in dry and we're not stopping until the friction sparks and sets fire to their hideously boring non-throwback uniforms. And then? Their children.
#7 Washington
Take a picture of this.
3:30 PM - Toledo at #14 Miami.
This game should be closer than it will be. But in order to properly hype a team - say, one who may or may not be back - one needs a selling point. For Miami fans, ESPN and idiots across the nation, it will be the fact that despite the Irma cancellation/downtime, the Canes will get off to a fast start, taking something like a 28-0 lead in the first quarter. The final score will be more in the neighborhood of 45-28 but that won't stop a hype train full of BACK pain.
7:00 PM - #22 San Diego State at Air Force
:lol:
8:00 PM - Virginia at Boise State
I think this will end up being a close game. The Hoohas are still going to lose, probably, but they'll start to level out in this game and play like something resembling a Division 1 football team just in time to lose to UNC and Duke before baffling the Commonwealth with two straight wins over Boston College and Pittsburgh. They'll be 4-4 with dreams of bowling when they roll into Atlanta, they'll be 4-5 and collectively giving serious thought to suicide when they roll out.

Georgia might lose, I dunno öööö em. You're ööööing dead Pitt.
 
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