LegendaryGT
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- Oct 18, 2009
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Welcome to the mid season, where the gracious G5 conferences have decided to gift us a steady stream of non-standard game days on which someone will throw and/or run with a football. With only two matchups between ranked teams, zero matchups between undefeated teams, and no Tech game, this week could very well be a snoozer. So let's check out how ded all the underdogs are on this four day football week, and root for chaos because it doesn't involve us. It's ded week.
Wednesday, October 4
8:00 PM - Arkansas State at Georgia Southern. The line on this game is currently Arkansas State by about 8.5, which would ordinarily be a hard read since the Red Wolves ain't played nobody and already have two losses, but Georgia Southern is practically leading the charge for ded teams this year, sporting two catastrophic blowout losses to okay-ish FBS teams and one catastrophic loss to FCS team New Hampshire. Sporting a roster that only has 8 seniors, Southern has improved its scoring by 5 points in each game this season, which puts them on pace to score 22 against Arkansas State (and 62 in their season finale vs CCU, which doesn't seem impossible by any means), but will need to improve a great deal on defense to have a shot of holding down Arkansas State.
Underdog dedness rating: the last guy left on your paintball team, who has just been hiding the whole time and has a fogged mask, versus your neighbor's 14 year old kid who knows next to nothing about the sport but has a pimped out full auto gun.
Maximum chaos: Georgia Southern wins 77-2.
Thursday, October 5
8:00 PM - #17 Louisville at #24 NC State. More ACC midweek magic abounds as Louisville travels as a 3 point favorite on a short week for both teams. FPI gives the Wofl Pack a 61% chance of victory, and both teams are 4-1 (4-0 ATS). There's no question that NCST brings the better defense while Louisville brings the better offense, and neither team is dwelling on their sole defeats for the season. Al I know is that you need to watch this, because as a game containing both Lamar Jackson and ACC refs on a Thursday night, there's no limit to what might happen. Pretty sure the NCST quarterback is going to become the first football player in history to throw two interceptions on the same red zone play and still score (with a safety) as the refs miss like 15 calls. Book it.
Underdog dedness rating: either participant at the start of a new round of celebrity death match.
Maximum chaos: NCST is leading 35-0 in the mid third quarter and Petrino benches Lamar Jackson, then his backup (literally who) leads an insane charge to win the game in overtime.
Friday, October 6
7:00 PM - Memphis at Connecticut. Hmm, let's see. Memphis beat UCLA by 3, who beat Texas A&M in a 500 year storm of comeback points, then got blasted by a team that won't even play football in a 5 year storm of rain drops. Meanwhile UConn is the surprisingly pluckiest bad bad bad team in the land. Vegas has Memphis by 14, which sounds plausible, if only because so does every other score that has Memphis winning the game.
Underdog dedness rating: that guy on COPS still streaking down the highway while all four tires shoot sparks in every direction.
Maximum chaos: Jim Harbaugh is in the audience recruiting a UConn commit and a slightly worse than usual free kick out of bounds line-drives right into his head and gives him a concussion.
10:15 PM - Boise State at BYU. Also available in American English under the re-titling "Duel of the Deadly Fart Noises". Boise State just got finished with a stinker against UVA and BYU just finished blowing it against Utah State, and so with both teams as tarnished as they can reasonably be, we'll have to appreciate this usually somewhat-interesting matchup in another light this year. Boise will take the field as a 9 point favorite, which is fitting, because Utah State? Really? USU lost by 35 points to Wake.
Underdog dedness rating: the first guest on stage on the Jerry Springer show.
Maximum chaos: Kohl, the Broncos kickoff tee retriever dog, receives a sideline infraction flag from the refs on a critical onside kick, wiping out a successful play and preventing a Boise last minute comeback.
Saturday, October 7
12:00 PM - Wake Forest at #2 Clemson. The surprisingly respectable Wake Forest are 22 point underdogs in Clemson's Death Valley. The Deacs lead the nation with 10 TFL per game and crushed BC by about the same margin as Clemson, so they have that kind of on-paper hope that rapidly vaporizes a few drives into the game. Tune in and say to yourself, "Is Clemson in trouble?" as they are only up by 14 points at the half, then feel like you've wasted all that time when they win the game by 28 and it turns out it was never really in question.
Underdog dedness rating: July 11th, 1920. Englishman Charles G Stephens prepares to plunge over the edge of Niagara Falls in a barrel containing an Anvil for ballast.
Maximum chaos: In the closing seconds of the game, trailing by 3 and driving in the red zone, Clemson's starting QB Bryant Kelly is called for targeting as he attempts to throw a block for his RB and is ejected. Clemson shanks a field goal and loses. Kelly-less for the first half and hung over against Syracuse, they drop two games in a row to vastly inferior competition. #Clemsoning returns.
12:00 PM - Iowa State at #3 Oklahoma. Four touchdown favorites at home, Oklahoma hosts the team that just got hammer smashed by Texas, which would usually not be unusual, but is, even in the middle of Herman's first year. The Cyclones will still be starting Jacob Parks, despite his 3 picks and emotional bro-tiff with his coach on the sidelines during the UT game. Maybe he plays better, maybe it doesn't matter, Oklahoma's offense is just too potent.
Underdog dedness rating: One minute past midnight, Tokyo time, August 9, 1945. Japanese emperor Hirohito and his government have yet to accept the terms of the Potsdam declaration.
Maximum chaos: the day before the game, we find out why Bob Stoops really left Oklahoma suddenly, and the FBI is involved. The scandal ousts Lincoln Riley and jeopardizes the eligibility of Baker Mayfield. The Sooners lose to Iowa State behind a resurgent Jacob Park, plunging the entire Big 12 into darkness and despair.
12:00 PM - #5 Georgia at Vanderbilt. Kirby Smart is talking like there is some chance that Jacob Eason will start against Vanderbilt, and while it would be foolish to even let him play at all after Jake Fromm State Farm proved to be competent at the position, I really hope he does anyway. Vanderbilt HC Derek Mason isn't fooled, publicly expressing incredulity at Smart's implications, but one can never be sure that Smart isn't actually just crazy like a fox. The Commodores are 17.5 point underdogs, which is 3.5 points worse than they were last year.
Underdog dedness rating: the innumerate (ha) and feared Persian army has been camped outside Thermopylae pass for five days. King Leonidas and 300 Spartan hoplites stand in their way.
Maximum chaos: Jacob Eason plays the whole game, throwing 4 interceptions. Kirby Smart refuses to bench him, and Jim Cheney refuses to run the ball in the red zone. Vanderbilt wins two in a row, and firekirbysmart.com is purchased for $1000 by someone whose butt is incredibly hurt.
12:00 PM - Ole Miss at #12 Auburn. Auburn is looking like an okay-ish team, despite all the mean things I said about them last week. This week they are getting a good measuring stick against Alabama in Ole Miss, which seems to be in a heated competition with LSU for the title of "most colossal dumpster fire of the SEC West." Ole Miss has a little catching up to do, this weekend, having not had the opportunity to lose to any Troy-like teams on their bye week, but will be 21.5 point underdogs. Not covering that would be a start.
Underdog dedness rating: October 25, 1854, Sevastopol, Crimea. British commander Lord Raglan sends an order to light cavalry commander Lord Cardigan to charge into battle.
Maximum chaos: A series of disastrous fumbles and special teams plays makes the halftime score 35-7 Ole Miss. Sensing the approaching bitter disappointment that was narrowly averted at the end of last year's LSU game, Gus Malzahn is pulled aside by the AD and a flock of prominent boosters and quietly relieved of his duties as the team exits the tunnel after half time.
Other games featuring ded teams in this time zone. Texas Tech is at Kansas, Duke is at Virginia, and Pittsburgh is at Syracuse. Kansas hanging with Texas Tech could be interesting, and Pittsburgh vs Syracuse went over 100 total points last time, so who knows. Duke at Virginia figures to be a close battle, but only because both teams are sad bad.
Wednesday, October 4
8:00 PM - Arkansas State at Georgia Southern. The line on this game is currently Arkansas State by about 8.5, which would ordinarily be a hard read since the Red Wolves ain't played nobody and already have two losses, but Georgia Southern is practically leading the charge for ded teams this year, sporting two catastrophic blowout losses to okay-ish FBS teams and one catastrophic loss to FCS team New Hampshire. Sporting a roster that only has 8 seniors, Southern has improved its scoring by 5 points in each game this season, which puts them on pace to score 22 against Arkansas State (and 62 in their season finale vs CCU, which doesn't seem impossible by any means), but will need to improve a great deal on defense to have a shot of holding down Arkansas State.
Underdog dedness rating: the last guy left on your paintball team, who has just been hiding the whole time and has a fogged mask, versus your neighbor's 14 year old kid who knows next to nothing about the sport but has a pimped out full auto gun.
Maximum chaos: Georgia Southern wins 77-2.
Thursday, October 5
8:00 PM - #17 Louisville at #24 NC State. More ACC midweek magic abounds as Louisville travels as a 3 point favorite on a short week for both teams. FPI gives the Wofl Pack a 61% chance of victory, and both teams are 4-1 (4-0 ATS). There's no question that NCST brings the better defense while Louisville brings the better offense, and neither team is dwelling on their sole defeats for the season. Al I know is that you need to watch this, because as a game containing both Lamar Jackson and ACC refs on a Thursday night, there's no limit to what might happen. Pretty sure the NCST quarterback is going to become the first football player in history to throw two interceptions on the same red zone play and still score (with a safety) as the refs miss like 15 calls. Book it.
Underdog dedness rating: either participant at the start of a new round of celebrity death match.
Maximum chaos: NCST is leading 35-0 in the mid third quarter and Petrino benches Lamar Jackson, then his backup (literally who) leads an insane charge to win the game in overtime.
Friday, October 6
7:00 PM - Memphis at Connecticut. Hmm, let's see. Memphis beat UCLA by 3, who beat Texas A&M in a 500 year storm of comeback points, then got blasted by a team that won't even play football in a 5 year storm of rain drops. Meanwhile UConn is the surprisingly pluckiest bad bad bad team in the land. Vegas has Memphis by 14, which sounds plausible, if only because so does every other score that has Memphis winning the game.
Underdog dedness rating: that guy on COPS still streaking down the highway while all four tires shoot sparks in every direction.
Maximum chaos: Jim Harbaugh is in the audience recruiting a UConn commit and a slightly worse than usual free kick out of bounds line-drives right into his head and gives him a concussion.
10:15 PM - Boise State at BYU. Also available in American English under the re-titling "Duel of the Deadly Fart Noises". Boise State just got finished with a stinker against UVA and BYU just finished blowing it against Utah State, and so with both teams as tarnished as they can reasonably be, we'll have to appreciate this usually somewhat-interesting matchup in another light this year. Boise will take the field as a 9 point favorite, which is fitting, because Utah State? Really? USU lost by 35 points to Wake.
Underdog dedness rating: the first guest on stage on the Jerry Springer show.
Maximum chaos: Kohl, the Broncos kickoff tee retriever dog, receives a sideline infraction flag from the refs on a critical onside kick, wiping out a successful play and preventing a Boise last minute comeback.
Saturday, October 7
12:00 PM - Wake Forest at #2 Clemson. The surprisingly respectable Wake Forest are 22 point underdogs in Clemson's Death Valley. The Deacs lead the nation with 10 TFL per game and crushed BC by about the same margin as Clemson, so they have that kind of on-paper hope that rapidly vaporizes a few drives into the game. Tune in and say to yourself, "Is Clemson in trouble?" as they are only up by 14 points at the half, then feel like you've wasted all that time when they win the game by 28 and it turns out it was never really in question.
Underdog dedness rating: July 11th, 1920. Englishman Charles G Stephens prepares to plunge over the edge of Niagara Falls in a barrel containing an Anvil for ballast.
Maximum chaos: In the closing seconds of the game, trailing by 3 and driving in the red zone, Clemson's starting QB Bryant Kelly is called for targeting as he attempts to throw a block for his RB and is ejected. Clemson shanks a field goal and loses. Kelly-less for the first half and hung over against Syracuse, they drop two games in a row to vastly inferior competition. #Clemsoning returns.
12:00 PM - Iowa State at #3 Oklahoma. Four touchdown favorites at home, Oklahoma hosts the team that just got hammer smashed by Texas, which would usually not be unusual, but is, even in the middle of Herman's first year. The Cyclones will still be starting Jacob Parks, despite his 3 picks and emotional bro-tiff with his coach on the sidelines during the UT game. Maybe he plays better, maybe it doesn't matter, Oklahoma's offense is just too potent.
Underdog dedness rating: One minute past midnight, Tokyo time, August 9, 1945. Japanese emperor Hirohito and his government have yet to accept the terms of the Potsdam declaration.
Maximum chaos: the day before the game, we find out why Bob Stoops really left Oklahoma suddenly, and the FBI is involved. The scandal ousts Lincoln Riley and jeopardizes the eligibility of Baker Mayfield. The Sooners lose to Iowa State behind a resurgent Jacob Park, plunging the entire Big 12 into darkness and despair.
12:00 PM - #5 Georgia at Vanderbilt. Kirby Smart is talking like there is some chance that Jacob Eason will start against Vanderbilt, and while it would be foolish to even let him play at all after Jake Fromm State Farm proved to be competent at the position, I really hope he does anyway. Vanderbilt HC Derek Mason isn't fooled, publicly expressing incredulity at Smart's implications, but one can never be sure that Smart isn't actually just crazy like a fox. The Commodores are 17.5 point underdogs, which is 3.5 points worse than they were last year.
Underdog dedness rating: the innumerate (ha) and feared Persian army has been camped outside Thermopylae pass for five days. King Leonidas and 300 Spartan hoplites stand in their way.
Maximum chaos: Jacob Eason plays the whole game, throwing 4 interceptions. Kirby Smart refuses to bench him, and Jim Cheney refuses to run the ball in the red zone. Vanderbilt wins two in a row, and firekirbysmart.com is purchased for $1000 by someone whose butt is incredibly hurt.
12:00 PM - Ole Miss at #12 Auburn. Auburn is looking like an okay-ish team, despite all the mean things I said about them last week. This week they are getting a good measuring stick against Alabama in Ole Miss, which seems to be in a heated competition with LSU for the title of "most colossal dumpster fire of the SEC West." Ole Miss has a little catching up to do, this weekend, having not had the opportunity to lose to any Troy-like teams on their bye week, but will be 21.5 point underdogs. Not covering that would be a start.
Underdog dedness rating: October 25, 1854, Sevastopol, Crimea. British commander Lord Raglan sends an order to light cavalry commander Lord Cardigan to charge into battle.
Maximum chaos: A series of disastrous fumbles and special teams plays makes the halftime score 35-7 Ole Miss. Sensing the approaching bitter disappointment that was narrowly averted at the end of last year's LSU game, Gus Malzahn is pulled aside by the AD and a flock of prominent boosters and quietly relieved of his duties as the team exits the tunnel after half time.
Other games featuring ded teams in this time zone. Texas Tech is at Kansas, Duke is at Virginia, and Pittsburgh is at Syracuse. Kansas hanging with Texas Tech could be interesting, and Pittsburgh vs Syracuse went over 100 total points last time, so who knows. Duke at Virginia figures to be a close battle, but only because both teams are sad bad.
