This Week In Foobaw 2017 Week 7 (In Foobaw)

LegendaryGT

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Prepare yourselves, fellow fans of the game, for the ultimate weekend of college football. Four consecutive days of games will be played starting tonight, each featuring at least one matchup involving two top-5 teams. To make matters even more incredible, Friday's game is between #1 and #2. But there's more, because there are at least four games I am about to preview for you below where both, yes both teams are ranked #1 in the land. I know what you're saying to yourself as you read this, "That can't be right! This is too good to be true!" Well stop, because I will show you the way. In a week that the decentralized organizers and "official" list-makers of the sport have deigned to declare that not one single "officially" ranked matchup will be played, I have re-ranked all of the teams that they missed and, in my ranking methodology, everybody is #1 at something. This week in foobaw, it's superlative week, the #1 week in the history of the sport! Enjoy.

Wednesday, October 11

8:00 PM - #1 South Alabama at #1 Troy.
South Alabama comes into this game at 1-4, having only beaten Alabama A&M, while Troy comes in at 4-1, fresh off their massively huge win over ranked LSU and a bye week. This might initially seem like it is going to be a very one sided game, but consider if you will that LSU is garbage, and that Troy's loss came at the hands of Boise State (they of the fart winds). South Alabama's record is not quite as bad as it looks, since two of their losses came at the hands of Ole Miss and 11th ranked Oklahoma State (and they put 27 points on Ole Miss). They now have a week under their belt with their new play caller (their former OL coach) after firing their OC on the back of a double overtime loss to Idaho. They were competitive until a fourth quarter collapse against Louisiana Tech, and could very well put things together in a surprise effort against Troy. The Trojans are 16 point favorites.

South Alabama is #1 in: offseason preventable construction disasters.
Troy is #1 in: obscene gesture related suspensions.

Thursday, October 12

7:30 PM - #1 Texas State at #1 Louisiana Lafayette.
Texas State enters the contest at 1-4, to ULL's not-much-better 2-3. The paper lies here, too, though, because Texas State has only beaten something called Houston Baptist, and that only by 9 points. The rest of their games have been mostly 30 point disasters. They finally found some offense against ULM, and displayed a little defense earlier in the season against App State, but they are on the whole pretty bad, and seem destined for a 1 or 2 win season. The Ragin' Cajuns, on the other hand, have been a scoring machine for the most part, stumbling a bit against Idaho and Texas A&M. Their problem has been the lack of defense. Perhaps if Texas State keeps up the offensive play and ULL declines again to play defense we could see a high scoring game here.

Texas State is #1 in: Sun Belt losing streaks.
Louisiana Lafayette is #1 in: having the most lopsided record against the SEC, probably, at 1-63 all time (and that win is only if you count their victory over Texas A&M 21 years ago).

Friday, October 13

7:00 PM - #2 Clemson at #1 Syracuse.
Friday the 13th, a 2nd ranked Clemson with a banged up QB travels far to the north. The last time Clemson met a ranked Syracuse team on the football field was January 1, 1996, and they lost 41-0. As ACC bad luck mingles in the air with the potent Friday the 13th vibes, expect to see something altogether horrifying happen in this game. Clemson is favored by 22.5.

Syracuse is #1 in: total plays run (516), third down attempts (115), third down conversions (48), and fourth down attempts (21). This team plays fast as hell.

10:30 PM - #8 Washington State at #1 California. Cal is looking increasingly hopeless as the season wears on, and it's clear that the turnaround for their new coach is not going to be anything resembling immediate. Luke Falk for Wazzu has already thrown 262 passes for 2000 yards and a 19/2 TDI, and looks poised to steamroll Cal in another episode of #Pac12AfterDark, where anything can happen but never does, that nobody anywhere will see. Mike Leach is favored by 14.5.

California is #1 in: scoreless Rose Bowl ties, all time.

Saturday, October 14

12:00 PM - #6 TCU at #1 Kansas State.
TCU is the last hope of the Big 12, and there are no Baylors or West Virginias left to stop them. Kansas State is coming off a hard double overtime loss to Texas, of all awful teams, and yet... Bill Snyder still stands, undaunted. Watch with bated breath as a man older than time calls plays in King James English phrases that were new when he first heard them, like "this, too, shall pass", and "for by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall." Don't look away, as he single handedly crushes the Big 12's last hope of getting a team into this year's playoff with all the concern of someone who has seen them all and knows he will see generations more, long after all those who are wailing and gnashing their teeth have faded from history. TCU is favored by just 6 points.

Kansas State is #1 in: you guessed it... oldest active NCAA head coach (78 years old as of last week).

12:00 PM - #17 Michigan at #T-1 Indiana. The Hoosiers have abandoned Richard Lagow, and are fully off their rockers and adrift now, after showing so much promise earlier in the season. Michigan, similarly, has thrown offense to the wayside, taking a vow of defense and field goals only, which should make this a spectacularly low scoring game in which Indiana has perhaps a fumble's chance of winning. Michigan is favored by 7 points (which means a score of what, 7-0?)

Indiana is #T-1 in: field goal percentage (100.00 on the season, tied with like six other teams).

12:00 PM - #20 NC State at #1 Pittsburgh. Talk around town is that NC State is the real deal, and that Pittsburgh is the real bad. The Wofl Pack will seek to retain its perfect-in-ACC status so it can challenge Clemson for supremacy in the Atlantic division, and everything seems to be lining up for that showdown to be the next hyped Clemson game come November, but they'll have to play this trap game and win next week against (probably) ranked Notre Dame to get there unblemished. Pittsburgh will eventually have to remember how to play football agaim, some day. Doeren's dudes are favored by 11.

Pittsburgh is #1 in: burning redshirts for no real reason.

12:00 PM - #24 Texas Tech at #T-1 West Virginia. Please welcome our newest #1 team to the rankings, as they shoot up impressively from last week's #23 spot. Texas Tech suffered a setback against Oklahoma State, but roared back into form against Kansas, and are probably looking to prove they've learned lessons and things like that against West Virginia. The Mountaineers themselves are still on the quest for a ranked victory this season, after losing a very hard fought game to TCU, and this will be their very best chance at that. Texas Tech is favored by 3.5.

West Virginia is #T-1 in: first downs per game (28.2, tied with Louisville).

12:00 PM - #1 Florida State at #1 Duke. This is here primarily because schadenfreude potential does exist. Florida State is 1-3 sporting only a win over Wake Forest, and has not covered a single spread yet. Duke is 4-2, and 4-2 ATS, and despite being thrashed by Miami, is still a statistically sound team that may be able to exploit FSU's complete lack of an offense and what is sure to be a mighty hangover on the part of the Seminoles. Florida State is favored by just 7, which has to be the lowest spread for an FSU / Duke game in a very long time.

Florida State is #1 in: pre-season AP poll ranking differential (24 spots, not counting votes received). Yikes.
Duke is #1 in: Rose Bowls hosted on the East coast, all time. You can thank Tojo for that one.
 
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3:30 PM - #1 Purdue at #7 Wisconsin. Purdue is coming off a good win against a decent Minnesota squad, and looking like a more interesting team all the time. Wisconsin is coming off a decade of beating teams with scores of mid-thirties to teen-twenties, and is the clear favorite. Brohm's guys did some good things against Michigan's amazing defense, but were ultimately pasted as the game wore on. Wisconsin will be seeking to capture that magic, and keep up their scoring habits against the uncharacteristically stingy Boilermakers defense that is still emerging. Depth may be the deciding factor in this game, if Purdue plays their best. Wisconsin is favored by 16.5.

Purdue is #1 in: legal tic-tac-toe moves on the season.

3:30 PM - #10 Auburn at #1 LSU. Haha oh man, typing #1 LSU is fun, you guys should try it. Auburn is distancing themselves as the clear #2 team in the SEC, and will have to keep it up against the hapless but struggleful Tigers. Who knows, though. With Orgeron's plan, they might just #GitItDun. Auburn is favored by just 7 points, for some weird reason.

LSU is #1 in: active NFL alumni, all collegiate divisions (42 players).

3:30 PM - #1 Georgia Tech at #11 Miami. Easily the best game of the week. Miami is near the bottom of the ACC in both rushing and passing defense, which is a good sign for the Jackets. The spread at this time is 6 in Miami's favor. (Georgia Tech is 4-0 ATS.)

Georgia Tech is #1 in: time of possession (36:39.25 per game), and combined 3rd and 4th down conversion percentage (55.3%).

3:30 PM - #12 Oklahoma vs #1 Texas. Baker Mayfield and Oklahoma have some absolutely stupid stats midway through the year, like having attempted only 45 third downs so far (the fewest in FBS), and a QBR of 214.06 (tops in the land and 11 whole points higher than the next guy), but couldn't put together one last urgent drive against Iowa State after a showing of serious vulnerability from their defense. Texas' offense hasn't been nearly as good as Iowa State's has, which is a sad sad thing for horns fans to hear, but they are finally looking a little more like an actual football team after a manly win against KSU. That puts Texas on the upswing and Oklahoma on the down, but will it matter? Hey, Charlie strong won it, so don't count them out. Oklahoma is favored by 7.5.

Texas is #1 in: football revenue (non-donation). Aduh.

3:30 PM - #1 Baylor at #14 Oklahoma State. Matt Rhule seemed to have awoken against Oklahoma, after Baker Mayfield claimed paternal lineage over the Bears, but promptly went right back to sleep in the slowly constricting and steely choke hold of Bill Snyder, who can erode kingdoms away like the eons in a game that, by rule, only lasts 60 minutes. Whether or not this is really a game will depend on whether Rhule can get his guys fired up into Oklahoma form, in which case they really do have a shockingly good chance. Oklahoma State has a better defense than Oklahoma, but probably not a better offense, even though they seem to be the masters of the big play this season. The Cowboys are favored by 25.5.

Baylor is #1 in: first downs surrendered to FCS teams by FBS teams this season (31). They are a close second in both yards and points surrendered as well.

3:45 PM - #25 Navy at #1 Memphis. Memphis brings a super high powered offense to town that kind of crashed and burned against UCF but is still probably gaining yards and points on UConn as I type this. Navy is an impressive 5-0 and doing it every which way, shootouts, defensive battles, close ones, blowouts, Navy just knows how to win. This should be a damn fine game. Memphis is favored by 3.5.

Memphis is #1 in: salty dads publicly throwing gas on the Butch Jones dumpster fire.

7:15 PM - #1 Arkansas at #1 Alabama. Nick Saban's greatest enemy is all around him. Literal armies of journalist-assassins spreading poison in the ears of his players is all that stands between him and creating a perfect football team filled only with a burning rage for each yard not gained in every game, on every possession, and indeed on every play. Even on defense. Defenses can gain yards too, it just means the other guy has to lose them. Saban's rage seems to be especially piqued by his win over Texas A&M, so Arkansas xtra ded. Alabama is favored by 28.

Arkansas is #1 in: fewest punt returns. The hoggos have returned just 1 punt this year. They ran it back for two yards.

7:30 PM - #1 Missouri at #1 Georgia. Get ready to cringe and change the channel, probably. Barking is likely, but let's find cause for optimism. Missouri, despite having the weakest possible 1-5 record this season and scoring very poorly, is still putting up almost 500 yards per game on offense, 300 through the air. Georgia has been most vulnerable through the air so far this year, although it isn't likely to matter. Georgia is favored by 30 whole points.

Missouri is #1 in: least time of possession (21:59.20 per game). Lol.

7:30 PM - #9 Ohio State at #1 Nebraska. Some are dubbing this as "Mike Riley's Last Stand", and the war between the factions who want to grab a new coach who will win now and those who want patience and program building under Riley is reaching a micro-Gailey pitch over in the Huskers fan base. This is likely not Mike Riley's last stand, he probably already lost that battle against Northern Illinois, but he might be able to win himself another chance at standing last with a win. Let's be real though, Oregon State In Red isn't pulling that off. Ohio State is favored by 24.

Nebraska is #1 in: athletic directors fired by Larry The Cable Guy.

8:00 PM - #1 Utah at #13 USC. Utah proved unable to contain Stanford's Heisman chasing RB, or overcome its weaknesses on offense, and is so unranked in the AP poll once again. That won't slow down Wittingham's squad, though, who are instilled with the spirit of perennial outsider-underdogs. Utah teams seem to have a kind of permanent chip installed on their shoulder, and you can only make it bigger by beating them, so watch out, USC. The Trojans may have the better team, but they are going to need to fight. USC is favored by 12.5.

Utah is #1 in: Gay field goals. They would be #1 in field goals (18 attempted, 16 made, both top marks) without that distinction, but the guy who makes their field goals is Gay. Matt Gay, to be precise.

8:00 PM - #21 Michigan State at #1 Minnesota. Coming off a loss to Purdue, Minnesota may not look like a very tough opponent, but this Michigan State team does still have some of the weaknesses that led them to a 3-9 season last year, and will need to avoid a letdown game after their huge win over Michigan (although quite frankly they should be used to that sort of thing by now). FPI is split in this game, giving MSU just a 51% chance of victory. The Spartans are favored by 4 points.

Minnesota is #1 in: Broken Chair Trophy game losses.

10:30 PM - #1 Boise State at #19 San Diego State. Undefeated, nationally ranked SDSU comes to town to show beat up old Boise State who the new G5 hotness is. 2-0 against P5 teams to Boise's own 0-2 mark, this is not a familiar place for the Broncos, who are used to being the class of the rest. How will the Broncos handle experiencing jealousy for the first time in program history, I wonder? SDSU is favored by 7 points.

Boise State is #1 in: Smurf Turf... Japanese spinoffs. Ohidaho gozaimasu, Nippon.

10:45 PM - #5 Washington at #1 Arizona State. Put here mainly to emphasize that Petersen is playing yet another #Pac12WaaayAfterDark game despite his protestations. He'll probably be one salty dude yet again, but I'll be asleep again, probably, so who cares. Arizona State has beaten the only ranked team it has played this year, so hey, something something. Washington is favored by 17.

Arizona State is #1 in: single game rushing yards, all-time... by Stanford.

11:00 PM - #1 Oregon at #23 Stanford. Oregon seems newly vunlerable, Stanford seems to have found a new super weapon, and this game's second quarter will be in full swing when the stadium reaches aphelion for the day. So hey, if you really just can't sleep for whatever reason, you don't have to, just watch this football game until dawn. Stanford is favored by 10.5.

Oregon is #1 in: penalties (62 penalties, 562 penalty yards, 10.3 per game, 93.7 penalty yards per game, all top marks).
 
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matchup involving two top-5 teams

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3:30 PM - #1 Georgia Tech at #11 Miami. Easily the best game of the week. Miami is near the bottom of the ACC in both rushing and passing defense, which is a good sign for the Jackets. The spread at this time is 6 in Miami's favor. (Georgia Tech is 4-0 ATS.)

Georgia Tech is #1 in: time of possession (36:39.25 per game), and combined 3rd and 4th down conversion percentage (55.3%).


You are slacking off. Miami is #1 in natty's in the 1980s.
 
Each year we have three games regardless of coach, players, conference: Brain Fart game, Game we shouldn't have lost no way, Game we shouldn't have won no way. UT game has been hard to categorize, but given the amount of offense we had, UT's recruiting rankings, and that we lost it only because of turnovers and shanked field goals, I believe it is solidly in the Brain Fart category. That means we still have the game that is the total mystery loss (Kansas, MTSU, or a near loss like Gardner Webb or GSU) to a team that does not have the athletes to compete on the field with us. That cannot be Miami nor uga. More likely it's Wake Forest on homecoming. It also cannot be the Game we shouldn't have won no way because of the talent of the other team. That is reserved for Clemson on a Saturday night in NW SC (or please God a beatdown of #1 uga in Atlanta the Saturday after Thanksgiving). Miami was the recipient of the brain fart game last year. They and VT have used up their quotas of BF games. The good thing about this game is that Paul Johnson can no longer hide behind closed practices, cryptic news conferences, and mediocre opponents. He's going to finally have to show us what sort of machine he's been hiding in the garage. I don't think it's a Model-A
 
The segment on Iowa during halftime was great. Nice new tradition with the hospital

Also, foobaw

Great segment indeed. Got a bit dusty in my house while watching, I must admit. In case you missed it:
 
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