This Week In Foobaw 2017 Week 9 (In Foobaw)

[LegendaryGT]

College football reaches true midseason form this week, bringing us an entire MAC division playing in a single time slot on a non Saturday, three days of games featuring ranked teams, one slamma jammed 330 slot, a genuinely confusing playoff upset alert, and other foobaw things of note. With Halloween coming up, get ready to stuff your ears and steel your soul against the finest fright based jokes the football world has available for recycling. For this week's drinking game, every time an announcer or analyst says spooky, scary, batty, trick -- or treat -- or otherwise makes a pun(kin haaaaa), take a drink. This week in foobaw, however, we're going to focus on the finer side of the holiday. It's slutty costumes week! Enjoy.

Thursday, October 26

7:00 PM - Eastern Michigan vs Northern Illinois. Watch two bands of standings misfits duke it out in what's probably the best 5 loss team in the MAC taking on the second best first place team in the MAC West. EMU QB, All Name Team nominee, and team Captain Brogan Roback has thrown at least 40 passes in five different calendar years for the Eagles, and is currently sporting 1800 yards at 62% completion. Honorable mention to the NIU QB, Santacatarina, for having a corsair name that will surely screw up the announcers in this one, assuming it gets televised anywhere. The Eagles have lost five straight games by a touchdown or less, including a four point loss (Kentucky), a one point loss (Army) and an overtime field goal (WMU), leaving behind a lot of game summaries that use terms like "survived", "escaped", "held off", etcetera. Plunderless they are not, however. Both of these teams own victories over a "power 5" team, with EMU downing Rutgers and NIU defeating Nebraska. With Rutgers parting with $866,000 and Nebraska giving up $820,000 for those respective upsets, this game features almost $1.7 million dollars of stolen Power 5 booty. With all of this raiding and pillaging...

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Pirate (Pirates of the Mid American)

7:00 PM - Toledo at Ball State. Watch the best first place team in the MAC West take on the worst 5 loss team in the MAC. The only MAC West teams that aren't playing at 7:00 PM on Thursday night both have byes. Ball State is badly bad, and Toledo is actually a pretty okay team, very good for G-5 standards. With the spread looming here at 26 points, the only hope for the Cards is that Toledo's next game is against NIU, which may just be tied with them for the pole position in the west, making this a potentially deadly trap game. Still, Ball State has been outscored 142-15 over its last three games, and no that does not include any Cardinal touchdowns, of which their starting quarterback has yet to throw a single one this season. Then again, it's on a chaotic short week for both teams, and Ball State is considering a QB change, which could disrupt game planning for the Rockets. But no, this is all wishful thinking. Ball State has far too many issues to get them all corrected in time for the #1 offense in the MAC to visit. In honor of the Rockets, who have the only team that will really be playing football in this game and may be sending the score into the stratosphere...

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Astronaut.

7:30 PM - South Alabama Jaguars at The Georgia State Sex Panthers. This game is pretty much just here because I wanted to type "Sex Panthers" again and have a laugh. Looking more closely, though, it looks like this could be a pretty evenly matched cat fight to stay in third place in the Sun Belt. The Jaguars and the Panthers both sit at 2-1 in conference and each own three wins at this point in the season. A point spread of just 1 and an FPI split 49.5/50.5 points to a close contest which could produce an interesting little bout of football. Meow. If Georgia State can win this game and remain at only one conference loss, there's a chance it could reclaim the catbird seat in the Fun Belt later in the season, with some better play than it showed against Troy on homecoming. In honor of the feline mascots of both teams...

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Leopard

9:00 PM - #20 Stanford at Oregon State. Watch the sturdy tree of Stanford make Bryce Love to some Beavers in this rare Thursday night spread of Pac 12 After Dark. With Oregon State being newly head-coachless and the spread sitting at 22 Stanford's way, what record will the Cardinal Heisman-chasing RB break this week? Maybe longest... nevermind.

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Tree

Friday, October 27

8:00 PM - Tulane at #24 Memphis. Don't blame me for the innuendo on this one, the ESPN headline is actually "No. 24 Memphis plans to ride the Wave." There you have it, folks, license to say anything and everything about this game. Both of these teams are coming off spectacular close games against other good G-5 teams, Tulane just barely falling to USF and Memphis just barely edging out Houston. Memphis has had a couple more days to rest, but is still coming off the dreaded "two games in five days" stretch, and what's worse, the first of those two was Navy, so they are probably playing without any knees at all at this point. That said, they are still favored by 10.5. Memphis head coach Mike Norvell is finding himself on the wish list of just about every football program searching for a new head coach, right along side Scott Frost and Chad Morris of the same conference, and Tulane's Willie Fritz is building some momentum towards that goal for himself as well. So in honor of all of the beat writers and sideline reporters that will have to update their acts as a result of this one...

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Sports Analyst

8:00 PM - Florida State at Boston College. Oh my goodness, the spread here is just 3 points, and FSU has not covered a single spread in 6 games this year. The transitive result against Louisville does not make this seem like a sure thing for FSU, either, and this is a Friday Night ACC Magic Game, where favored teams go to die. Given that Clemson will surely stomp the hell out of FSU, they pretty much cannot lose this game, or they'll be out of bowl contention. Remember, FSU had a game cancelled earlier in the season, and with 6 losses, can only get to 5 wins. With an upstart Syracuse coming down the stretch and the last game of the season against a Florida team that may also be seeking bowl eligibility from that game, we're now on official Florida State BowlWatch™. Because this is a disaster waiting to happen...

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty First Responder

9:00 PM - Tulsa at SMU. One of these teams beat Houston by 30 points, then lost to UConn by a TD. The other beat UConn by 20 points and lost to Houston by 2 TDs. Put them together on a Friday night and good luck predicting what is going to happen here. Vegas lays the spread out at 9.5 SMU's way, and SMU has been scoring a ton of points, so it makes sense. Tulsa's defense has seemed a bit helpless at times, so it could get out of hand quickly, but then again... that Houston score. Anyway, this game is only here because I needed to round out my pre-Saturday collection of slutty costumes and SMU brings a horse to the party. Oh boy, I guess I'm on some weird lists now.

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Cowgirl

 

[LegendaryGT]

Saturday, October 28

11:30 AM - Buffalo at Akron. Rise and shine, and get some foobaw on your TV before Corso even wakes up (who am I kidding, this happens every week). Buffalo's season is circling the drain after their outrageous 7OT game against WMU at the start of October. They've lost three straight coming into this one, and are down to their backup backup quarterback. Akron owns a close win over WMU and a blowout loss to Toledo in its recent past, making me think you just do not want to play WMU close this season, and anything could happen in this pre-nooner where the spread is only 5.5 to the Zips. Since a healthy start to the day is important and I couldn't find any slutty breakfast food to represent this game...

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty (Breakfast) Chef

12:00 PM - #11 Oklahoma State at #22 West Virginia. Both of these teams probably consider themselves #In control of their own destinies in the conference, each with a single league loss on the season, both losses to TCU. Oklahoma State is still technically alive in the playoff race, as well. Now one team will have to seize the destiny of another, and odds are, it's going to be Oklahoma State. In honor of Gundy's hair, the small potential for national title implications, and West Virginia's... everything...

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Natty Lite

12:00 PM - #8 Miami at North Carolina. UNC is 1-7 (0-5) on the season and couldn't really get any worse at football, while Miami is the last ACC undefeated and is thinking about playoff things. The spread here is 20.5 and I don't need to tell you which way that goes. There are two reasons this game is in here. One, schadenfreude, because UNC suffering is both delicious and on-sale. Two, this is a trap game for Miami, which is in the ACC. They have Virginia Tech next week and Notre Dame thereafter, both of which will be playoff elimination games for their high performing opponents. That's the kind of thing that makes you look ahead (and look dumb). Because Miami will need to kill that which is already ded and keep the ghosts of the ACC at bay...

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Ghost Buster

12:20 PM - Texas at Baylor. Texas is tragedy. Coming off hard fought close losses to highly ranked Oklahoma and Oklahoma State, the Longhorns thought they were building something late in their last game, really hitting their stride. Right up until the derpception flushed the whole effort and really got people feeling all sorts of ways. Baylor is in a similar boat. Matt Rhule's men started out the season as perhaps the very worst FBS team, and have come a long long way since, culminating in an incredibly close loss against ranked WVU where they actually outgained their opponent and had more first downs and everything. It's just another feather in the cap of recent really competitive games, including a shootout against Oklahoma. Now one of these teams will have to notch a win to stop the slide, and the difference may just be psychological. Baylor is under nowhere near as much pressure to produce as Texas, and ironically it may be that which frees them to focus on the game and play some good ball. The spread is Texas by 9, but anything could really happen here. For obvious reasons...

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Matador

3:30 PM - #2 Penn State at #6 Ohio State. This game is a very weird combination of #NoRespect and #OverRated, since both of these playoff contenders have combined to beat precisely Michigan in terms of teams worth a damn on their schedule. Yet, Penn State is getting mad shade from Vegas, as a touchdown underdog despite being the undefeated team with a ranked win here, and having defeated Ohio State last year. Ohio State is thinking revenge for that loss, while Penn State is certainly thinking revenge for being at the receiving end of the selection committee that sent Ohio State to the playoff despite the incontrovertible video-review-supported fact that PSU was clearly the better team. Penn State "looks" even better than it did last year, and Ohio State didn't look anywhere near as good against Oklahoma, so you'd think this is in the bag for the Nittany Lions. And yet here we stand. So step on up, ladies and gentlemen, come one, come all, and feast your eyes on the mental acrobatics and logical freak show this game represents...

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Ring Master

3:30 PM - #3 Georgia vs Florida. Jim McElwain is complaining about phantom death threats, Kirby Smart is on ESPN in some high school bleachers cheering for his new QB recruit as the dude breaks his fingers, and with all the other stuff going on, this game just doesn't seem to be a big one this year. Georgia let the super-ded Missouri put up 28 points, and the Gators defense will absolutely be the best one the dwags have had to face so far, which is the small sliver of hope for Florida. Will it mean anything, though? Georgia has been shutting down most of the awful teams it has faced, and Florida's offense is no outlier in this list. Will they be able to score... any points at all? Vegas seems to echo the sentiment, fixing the O/U in this game at 43, which, when you really think about it, is insanely high. I suppose the only thing we can be reasonably assured of in this game is that animal abuse will occur. Because either one of Uga's five hundred physical deformities or the Gators tender backsides are going to necessitate it, somebody call up the stand-by...

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Nurse

3:30 PM - #4 TCU at #25 Iowa State. Hold on now, what the hell? Who let Iowa State get ranked? YOU HAD ONE JOB, OKLAHOMA. Both of these clubs are playing some really impressive ball this year, way above their recruiting stations, anyway. Both of these teams blanked Kansas to the tune of 40+ points, TCU setting a defensive record for the conference in only allowing 21 total yards of offense, while Iowa State is coming off a similarly brutal smothering of TTU. While it's no conference record, holding the Red Raiders to 336 yards is quite unusual. TCU has the statistical edge, nonetheless, and a 6.5 point lean from Vegas. This has the potential to be the best game of the day. And because it's probably going to be a 12 round slugfest...

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Prize Fighter

3:30 PM - #14 NC State at #9 Notre Dame. Who saw this game having playoff implications in the pre-season? Beuller? Just kidding, NCST has been hyped pretty hard from the get-go, and aside from a hiccup against South Carolina in game one, they've been non-invalidating the hype for the most part. Notre Dame is sitting with one quality loss, just finished giving USCw a silly beatdown, and carries a slight statistical advantage into the matchup, but the Wofl Pack has had an extra week to prepare. Still, Vegas has deemed the Irish worth more than a touchdown at home here. The winner of this game will find themselves upgraded to business class on their flight with Playoff Airways, while the loser is going to have to fly United.

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Airline Pilot

3:45 PM - Houston at #17 South Florida. USF looked vulnerable against Tulane, which is not an exceptionally good team. Neither is Houston, to be sure, but the Bulls can't afford a repeat of that struggle, because even though Houston's defense just finished giving up 42 points in a 2nd half come-from-ahead loss to Memphis, that's not going to happen every day and the Cougars sure did start strong. This game probably features the highest concentration of athleticism that you will be able to see in a G-5 matchup this season, with Houston starting a 5 star player on its defense, USF countering with the super-dynamo QB Quinton Flowers, and a mix of pretty good athletes at the skill positions for both teams. Since this under the radar game features athleticism and could result in a huge surprise to an undefeated team...

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Ninja

That chicken salad is overpriced, amirite?

 

[gespacho_the_slender]

9:00 PM - Tulsa at SMU. ...
This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Cowgirl

They don't make a slutty dead hooker costume?

Edit: You sir, know how to turn a phrase... As always, high comedy.

 

[LegendaryGT]

7:30 PM - Tennessee at Kentucky. Sometimes, in the twilight of a battle, there comes a peculiar moment. The commanding general may survey the field and know that his losses are too steep, or his numbers too small, or his position too infirm to carry the day against an enemy who will show no mercy. Be it that he will be captured, killed, or driven into hiding, he stands still as he did moments before. His shoulders broad, his breath free, his sight unfettered and his knees unbent. He is, for now, a free man in command of his army, and no matter how inconsequential it may be to the battle or the wider world, he has some small amount of choice. History rarely records the attitudes and decisions in the waning moments of the unusual men who find themselves in these situations. This may be a cruel consequence of who gets to record the events for posterity, or it may be a symptom of the violent and grim fates that often render such reflections impossible or unappealing. But then again, it may simply be the result of the nature of a conversation with God. For when a man feels the tramp of his own inevitable doom, when he knows his time is up and his mark upon the world will fade away like tracks at the shore's edge, he must come to realize that his actions can then only truly concern him and whatever power he may hold higher. The dead he commands will remember him no more, and no more fondly, than the living. His will can pursue his desires only as far as the encroaching enemy lines, and must disappear into nothing. The choices he makes, then, are not choices about what he will do, or what he wants to achieve, if his defeat is so total. They are choices about who he is. Butch Jones -- this is your peculiar moment. You are a 3.5 point underdog to Kentucky, away from home in the den of a perennial stepping stool of the SEC East; your flagging campaign has already squandered every chance to secure your objectives, and your purchase in this world of football will not hold. Before you go beyond our sight, will you allow yourself to lose to the complete bitch that is Mark Stoops? Make your last stand, Butch. This isn't about where you're going to coach next year, or where your team will play after the 12th game of the season, or whether you'll be paid a bonus for performance; no, those things are all in God's hands now. This is about whether you're the kind of guy that surrenders without a fight, who is willing to let the ultimate cuck of the SEC have some illusion of his own importance in your story as it ends. Don't be that man, Butch. Fight. One last time.

This game's Halloween costume is: The Slutty Grim Reaper

7:30 PM - Nebraska at Purdue. Nebraska's Mike Riley finds himself in a similar situation to Butch Jones, on the hot seat and as an underdog away from home in the stadium of a team that has the public football perception of a late 70's OSHA training video. The Cornhuskers should pay attention to the signs, though, because they really are in an unsafe area. If they aren't careful, this could easily be the game that seals Riley's fate completely. Jeff Brohm is building something at Purdue, and while it's still definitely under construction, hard hats are advised.

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Construction Worker

7:30 PM - Georgia Tech at #7 Clemson. My complete game analysis. In honor of our old friend Dabo...

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Clown

9:30 PM - #15 Washington State at Arizona. Mike Leach's great start got ruined, and he was none too happy about it, but he recovered nicely against Colorado. Now he's got to defend his outside shot at the playoff and his Pac 12 title game hopes against an upstart Arizona team that is better than it looks, even at 5-2. RichRod has his offense wide open (and his defense pretty wide open, too) under a surprising new look from quarterback Khalil Tate, who is a deadly accurate passer with extreme scrambling ability. He's going to pose a serious threat to the Cougs, who are barely favored in Vegas and slight underdogs in FPI. With the wildcats playing like they are possessed, Wazzu is going to need a #Pac12ExorcismAfterDark.

This game's Halloween costume is: Slutty Priest

Sister... um... Chastity, was it?

10:45 PM - #21 USC at Arizona State. In our night cap game today, the Pac 12 goes waaaaaaaaay after dark, straight into Lord of Darkness territory (featuring Tom Cruise as Todd Graham and Tim Curry as Clay Helton). The magic spell on this one is strong, and if you can muster the will to remain awake, you may see it completed. Arizona State has defeated each ranked team is has faced thus far, and USC is the last one on the schedule (unless Arizona can manage to pick up a ranking by game 12). USC is favored by 3.5. Will the sun ever rise again in the land of the West?

This game's Halloween costume is: The Slutty Devil Herself

Hot.

 

[JacketFan77]

I think you mean “Slutty Nun” - I mean, that’s clearly a nun, right? Priests don’t wear habits.

 

[LegendaryGT]

I think you mean “Slutty Nun” - I mean, that’s clearly a nun, right? Priests don’t wear habits.

My bad, here ya go.

 

[eg1]

How in the Sam Hell is USC still ranked after the steamer they laid last week?

 

[saxondawg]

About offenses UGA has faced: Notre Dame and Missouri are both Top 25. Miss State is 46, etc. Florida is #101, so I'd have to respectfully disagree this is the toughest offense UGA has faced. The defense will be one of the more decent, but their offense is crap.

 

[LegendaryGT]

About offenses UGA has faced: Notre Dame and Missouri are both Top 25. Miss State is 46, etc. Florida is #101, so I'd have to respectfully disagree this is the toughest offense UGA has faced. The defense will be one of the more decent, but their offense is crap.

Your reading comprehension is no outlier in the UGA fanbase, either.

 

[gespacho_the_slender]

I love our fan base... This has been the best laugh I've had all week.

What in the wide world of sports is a goin on in this photo? It's like an S&M show came to the retirement home thanksgiving brunch...

 

[GT3000]

Ha this is great work

Something about slutty prize fighter gets me excited

And I would love to see the slutty airline pilot in person.

On anyone.

 

[LegendaryGT]

EDIT: I'm not even in the right thread. Cheers.

 

[MEwreck02]

I am only here for the pics. BTW, moar pics

 

[rosebud]

TIA putting the T&A in foobaw, can it get any better? Well played, sir, well played.

 

[saxondawg]

Your reading comprehension is no outlier in the UGA fanbase, either.

I notice the post has been edited, but I'll give the benefit of the doubt here and figure I read "defense" as "offense." The fact is, the defense isn't the best we've seen, either. Notre Dame's and possibly even MSU are better. UF is pretty much garbage on both sides of the ball. UF and FSU may well face each other to see who gets to go to a bowl.

 

[LegendaryGT]

I notice the post has been edited, but I'll give the benefit of the doubt here and figure I read "defense" as "offense." The fact is, the defense isn't the best we've seen, either. Notre Dame's and possibly even MSU are better. UF is pretty much garbage on both sides of the ball. UF and FSU may well face each other to see who gets to go to a bowl.

My post was last edited yesterday at 1:18 PM. Your post was made yesterday at 8:29 PM. Doubling down on the inability to read is not a sound strategy but go ahead.

 

[saxondawg]

My post was last edited yesterday at 1:18 PM. Your post was made yesterday at 8:29 PM. Doubling down on the inability to read is not a sound strategy but go ahead.

Now, now. This is such a cranky place. I'm in too good a mood to take offense.

 

[eg1]

Now, now. This is such a cranky place. I'm in too good a mood to take offense.

I can only imagine, you smug, Athens dwelling, red’nblack ööööer

 

[saxondawg]

I can only imagine, you smug, Athens dwelling, red’nblack ööööer

It fills my heart with sadness that you don't share my happiness.

 

[LegendaryGT]

Now, now. This is such a cranky place. I'm in too good a mood to take offense.

They say timing is everything in comedy.