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UGA Unveils New Rival Ranking System
July 9th, 2008
Athens, GA- For as long as any Georgia fan alive can remember, there's been a turmoil deep in their souls and giving them no rest outside of that which is alcohol induced. This internal war stems from the inability of any Georgia fan in recorded history to determine who the arch-rival of their beloved Bulldogs really is.
Michael Adams, Damon Evans and Vince Dooley came together late last year and after consuming the hearts of no less than fourteen infants - willingly sacrificed by boosters - decided that the University of Georgia was long overdue for it's own ranking system.
"Plenty of schools set up their goals for the Fall in the Spring, and we imagine that they all include the task of getting on our radar." said Evans "That ambition is admirable, but there has got to be some order to it."
He'd go on to describe the functionality of the system.
"Basically it's a Top 10 and every week, myself, President Adams, Vince Dooley, Larry Munson and the Prince of Peace, Jesus - who is the Christ, will sit down and determine who is most worthy of being deemed our nearest underling. Jesus will be dually helpful in that he can communicate the thoughts of UGA I, II, III, IV and VI to us so that we have the absolute best rankings achievable."
And what of UGA V?
"Recent photographs uncovered deep within a cavern under Sanford Stadium indicate that UGA V was a most flamingly homosexual canine and as such he has been ex-communicated. I'm told that he is now associated with The Citadel."
President Adams followed by saying that the university intends to begin talks with the Bowl Championship Series Committee about having the UGA Rivalry Rankings added into the BCS formula. And it wasn't long before ESPN caught wind of the earth-shattering revelation.
Quoth Kirk Herbstreit: "My own sources indicate to me that the first release of this new poll will result in a tie-in with Georgia being implemented into the Ohio State-Michigan game in an annual Triple-Threat Rivalry Game. The Bulldogs have essentially always been a Big Ten school at heart."
Herbstreit's leak was shockingly proven incorrect later in the afternoon, however, when the first UGARR was released.
1) LSU - Reigning National Champions look to take the next step.
2) Florida - UGA has defeated Florida every year since 2006.
3) Auburn - Black Shirt Classic gets heated this fall.
4) Tennessee - A fluke Vol win a year ago has lit a fire beneath the Bulldogs.
5) Alabama - Bear Bryant thought UGA to be Alabama's arch-nemesis.
6) Vanderbilt - SEC bottom-feeder/National Power gunning for the Bulldogs again.
7) South Carolina - A dying Steve Spurrier dedicates last days to preparing for Georgia.
8) Clemson - Bowden may be gone if he can't get the Dawgs to take notice.
9) Notre Dame - Still thirsty for revenge from the greatest National Title ever won in 1980.
10) Georgia Tech - There is no record of Tech having ever defeated Georgia.
With the nation, lo, even the world tripping over itself for a spot in the coveted UGARR, observing the college football landscape from high atop the mountain ought to be enjoyable this fall. Stick with the AJC as we bring you the ultimate in Georgia Bulldog coverage.
July 9th, 2008
Athens, GA- For as long as any Georgia fan alive can remember, there's been a turmoil deep in their souls and giving them no rest outside of that which is alcohol induced. This internal war stems from the inability of any Georgia fan in recorded history to determine who the arch-rival of their beloved Bulldogs really is.
Michael Adams, Damon Evans and Vince Dooley came together late last year and after consuming the hearts of no less than fourteen infants - willingly sacrificed by boosters - decided that the University of Georgia was long overdue for it's own ranking system.
"Plenty of schools set up their goals for the Fall in the Spring, and we imagine that they all include the task of getting on our radar." said Evans "That ambition is admirable, but there has got to be some order to it."
He'd go on to describe the functionality of the system.
"Basically it's a Top 10 and every week, myself, President Adams, Vince Dooley, Larry Munson and the Prince of Peace, Jesus - who is the Christ, will sit down and determine who is most worthy of being deemed our nearest underling. Jesus will be dually helpful in that he can communicate the thoughts of UGA I, II, III, IV and VI to us so that we have the absolute best rankings achievable."
And what of UGA V?
"Recent photographs uncovered deep within a cavern under Sanford Stadium indicate that UGA V was a most flamingly homosexual canine and as such he has been ex-communicated. I'm told that he is now associated with The Citadel."
President Adams followed by saying that the university intends to begin talks with the Bowl Championship Series Committee about having the UGA Rivalry Rankings added into the BCS formula. And it wasn't long before ESPN caught wind of the earth-shattering revelation.
Quoth Kirk Herbstreit: "My own sources indicate to me that the first release of this new poll will result in a tie-in with Georgia being implemented into the Ohio State-Michigan game in an annual Triple-Threat Rivalry Game. The Bulldogs have essentially always been a Big Ten school at heart."
Herbstreit's leak was shockingly proven incorrect later in the afternoon, however, when the first UGARR was released.
1) LSU - Reigning National Champions look to take the next step.
2) Florida - UGA has defeated Florida every year since 2006.
3) Auburn - Black Shirt Classic gets heated this fall.
4) Tennessee - A fluke Vol win a year ago has lit a fire beneath the Bulldogs.
5) Alabama - Bear Bryant thought UGA to be Alabama's arch-nemesis.
6) Vanderbilt - SEC bottom-feeder/National Power gunning for the Bulldogs again.
7) South Carolina - A dying Steve Spurrier dedicates last days to preparing for Georgia.
8) Clemson - Bowden may be gone if he can't get the Dawgs to take notice.
9) Notre Dame - Still thirsty for revenge from the greatest National Title ever won in 1980.
10) Georgia Tech - There is no record of Tech having ever defeated Georgia.
With the nation, lo, even the world tripping over itself for a spot in the coveted UGARR, observing the college football landscape from high atop the mountain ought to be enjoyable this fall. Stick with the AJC as we bring you the ultimate in Georgia Bulldog coverage.
