ESPN the Magazine

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GiveEmHellJackets

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ESPN the Mag ranks the ACC divisions as follows:

ATLANTIC
(1) Clemson
(2) FSU
(3) NCSt
(4) WF
(5) Maryland
(6) BC

COASTAL
(1) VT
(2) Miami
(3) GT
(4) UNC
(5) Duke
(6) UVA

The rest of this post is sort of complicated and confusing and contains nothing about uniform colors, and is sort of a long walk for a short drink of water, so you have my blessing if you'd rather skip it, but here goes:

THE ELIMINATOR

ESPN the Mag is doing this ungodly STUPID thing this year in their conference predictions which they are calling "THE ELIMINATOR." The Eliminator works like this: They come up with four achievements or stat categories that the champ of that conference has met the past five years. These are the "eliminators." They work like rounds in an elimination tournament. They set out one eliminator (for example, "the 2009 ACC champ will have a 3rd down conversion rate of 35%") and then they eliminate all the teams which they project will NOT meet this stat category. The teams that make it to the next round must face the next eliminators. After four ELIMINATORS, only one team stands, and that is their projected conference champ.

I think that the ELIMINATOR is a great example of ****ing stupid-ass moronic and useless sports journalism that we have all come to expect from ESPN. It is hard to think of a stupider way to project a champion. Now that I have said that, let me show you:

The first ELIMINATOR in the ACC is that the ACC champion must beat Duke. This instantly excludes the four ACC teams that will not PLAY Duke (Duke, BC, FSU and Clemson), plus the two teams that it is projected by ESPN the Mag will LOSE to Duke (Maryland and Wake Forest).
So, after the first ELIMINATOR, the teams left in the running are NCSt, Miami, VT, GT, UVA and UNC. That's right, UVA, whom the same publication picked to be LAST in the Coastal (and WORSE than Duke) has survived elimination whereas Duke, FSU, Clemson, BC, Maryland and Wake are eliminated.

The second eliminator is the 35% 3rd down conversion rate. This eliminates UNC and NCSt. Congratultions, UVA, you're in the TOP FOUR now, with Miami, VT and GT!

The third eliminator is that the team must have at least 32 sacks. This finally eliminates the Yahoos and leaves us with GT, VT and Miami.

So who is going to win? What's the fourth eliminator going to be? Turnover ratio? Rushing yards? QB completion percentage?

The fourth eliminator is: Had the same head coach for at least 5 years.

And that's how they determine the champ. Great job, guys.
 
You just can't make this kind of comedy up... thanks ESPN.
 
Maybe we should have an ELIMINATOR for sports magazines.

First obstacle: does not suck.

Bye ESPN.
 
I thought it was all going to be quasi-relevant stats like third down conversion rate and completion %, which would have been stupid but at least made a little sense...but wow. That is really dumb.
 
These are the things that happen when you put statistics and math in the hands of people with journalism and English degrees.

No good can come of it.
 
So, essentially, they may as well have just said: Elimination 4 - Your team name must be the Hokies.
 
Well, they obviously pick their champ first and then go back and find ELIMINATORS to accomodate their selection, which is a big part of why it is so ****ING DUMB.

Oh well, at least they didn't do an hourlong special and/or gameshow about it with Stuart Scott.
 
They picked Clemson to finish first in the Atlantic. That should have been clue #2 that it was going to be a stupid article. Clue #1 is the ESPN title on the front of the magazine.
 
No Love for the Jackets from ESPN. I figure with the great first Season of Paul Johnson that the Jackets would get more respect than third! I think the Jackets go 10-2 and win the Division. Virginia Tech has problems since their best weapon is out and Clemson wont be as good as made out to be. To Hell with ESPN.
 
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