I wanna tell you guys a little story

gsu_paintballer

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Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
11,290
I really hope you enjoy it...........................................................................................................................................................

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I liked to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suite case and send me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.

First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.

But wait I hear there're prissy, wine all that
Is Bel-Air the type of place they send this cool cat?
I don't think sow
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air

Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightening, disappeared

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare
But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air
 
Poorly executed. You need to start our with something original and unique, yet interesting. Something that starts out like a real story, so it grabs attention and reals the reader in. Then when they're trying to figure out what's going to happen next, you morph into it.

Like this one time my uncle and I were driving on a cross country road trip. We pulled off the interstate somewhere in Kansas, not realizing at the time that it was exit only. There was no return on-ramp heading the same direction we wanted to go, so we either had to pull a U-turn and double back 20-miles or try to find our way via secondary roads. (In hindsight we probably should have just driven down the ramp backwards.)

Anyway, we got horribly lost, but saw a guy riding a tractor in a nearby field. We asked him how to get back southbound on the intererstate. He told us to keep going they way we were headed for about another 3 miles and then take a left at the next road. He said it was called the road, it's called the rainbow road. It is a road that you go. It's called the road, it's called the rainbow road. And you will know when you get there. It's called the road, it's called the rainbow road. It is a road that you go. It's a road that you go... when you die.

It's a road called rainbow road. It's a road we're all gonna go. It's a road called rainbow road. It's got Princess Peach, Mario and the Toad. It's a road called rainbow road. It's a road we're all gonna go... we'll goooooOOOooo!

It's rainbow road, it's where you go when you die. It's rainbow road. I'll miss you again, uncle. It's rainbow road, it's where you go when you die. It's rainbow road. I'll miss you again... on rainbow rooooOOOaaad.
 
This thread is one gigantic failure.

failure0400.jpg
 
This one time.

I had a snake.

And I gave it some beer.

It was slithering this way and that.

It was all f*cked up.
 
Poorly executed. You need to start our with something original and unique, yet interesting. Something that starts out like a real story, so it grabs attention and reals the reader in. Then when they're trying to figure out what's going to happen next, you morph into it.

So I while back I was driving, and the car in front of me stopped short suddenly. I was able to put on the brakes in time, but the guy behind me wasn't and he dinged my rear bumper.

So we get out to check the damage, which is minimal, but to my surprise the driver of the car behind me was a little person, you know, a midget. And he's pissed about the whole thing. He says to me, "I am not happy." I can't resist, and can only respond, "so which one are you?"

Now the joke of a thread is a Joke Thread! Woot.

/rim shot
 
Despite repeated appeals to his better judgment and several stern appraisals of disapproval, Mr. M____, of Nortfordshire Suffolk-Wain, a foppish dandy of eccentric reputation, disregarded a number of local constabulary this Thursday last.

M____, who is a well-known socialite and composer of light verse, is said to have behaved most rudely toward the constables, responding to their attempts to subdue him with what one witness called "an air of casual dismissal."

The police, who were extremely offended by the snubbing, have accused him of acting in poor taste, looking down his nose, and playing the inappropriate role of a prima donna.

Although at this time certain aspects of the incident remain unclear, it is generally agreed that M____'s conduct was most irregular and boorish, and by no means appropriate for a gentleman of his standing.

The fracas occurred at the country estate of Madam K____, where guests had gathered to enjoy one of the Madam's famed thrice-yearly entertainments.

Although all accounts indicate that the bulk of the party-goers were tasteful and well-mannered in all respects, M_____ had by mid-afternoon dispatched "a great amount of port," and had begun to offend the sensibilities of his fellows.

Observers note that M____ seemed "lost in reverie": singing mightily, tossing his curly locks to and fro, gesturing madly about the room and laughing gaily all the while.

In addition, he is described as dominating conversation, eating all the comfits, wickedly quipping bon mots derived from village gossip and comporting himself generally in a manner most unbecoming and unsettling.

After being seated for the meal, M____ apparently calmed himself, much to the relief of his peers.

However, although the first few courses of dinner were uneventful, the arrival of the steamed pheasant set off another outburst, proving the earlier peace to be a mere respite from M____'s ill-mannered displays of cheek.

M____ is said to have amused himself by kicking up his heels, prancing daintily about the dining hall and extemporaneously composing unflattering quatrains with which he ridiculed and belittled the other guests.

"He behaved as though all the world was merely an addendum to himself, and he an object of adoration to more lowly folk," said Mrs. P____, wife of a prominent captain of industry. "After every remark, he would turn wildly about and bow, as if his overtures were being met in each instance with thunderous applause. What a beastly person."

Mrs. P____, who was the victim of some of the more tasteless parodic jests, is leaving for the Continent soon in an effort to put the unfortunate unpleasantness behind her.

The officers arrived after entreaties by the gathered citizenry to intervene on their behalf. They found M____ in the process of attempting to circumnavigate one of Madam K___'s award-winning botanical arrangements
and, failing spectacularly, overturning the table upon which it had been situated.

"There he sat, amidst the flora and spilled wine, loudly demanding a freshly laundered ascot and waistcoat," said one officer present at the time of the snubbing. "We tried to explain to him the folly of his ways, but he insisted on putting on airs." The constables commanded M____ to curb his excessive merry-making, but were promptly snubbed by him, after which they were extremely peeved.

As punishment for his untoward attitude, M____ was forcibly removed to the village station house, where he was thrashed severely about the buttocks with a willow switch.

In addition, it was required of him to send handwritten notices of apology to all offended constabulary through the registered daily mail, and to ruminate in verse on what he had done to merit such a severe and uncompromising reprimand from the forces of law by writing, "I do not wish to go to gaol" one hundred times neatly.

He has been warned that it will not count unless his handwriting is decent, proper, and presentable. No word yet on whether he is continuing to joke, jape or jest at the expense of others.
 
This one time.

I had a snake.

And I gave it some beer.

It was slithering this way and that.

It was all f*cked up.


Awesome, I haven't heard this skit in years. I think I will download this tonight.
 
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