My submissions will be channeling Harry Doyle.
"In case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven't, the Jackets have managed to win a few here and there, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar."
"Remember, fans, Saturday day is Die Hard night. Free admission for anyone who was actually alive the last time the Jackets won 2 in a row."
"The post-game show is brought to you by... Christ, I can't find it. To Hyundai with it."
"One defensive stop, that's all we got? One doddamn stop?" <<"you can't say goddamn on the air">> "Don't worry nobody's listening anyway."