saxondawg
Varsity Lurker
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2002
- Messages
- 492
Wednesday\'s Smack
OK, I'll just tell ya in advance, it SUCKS, and anything you guys do shows you OWN me, I understand the rules. However Techbert added the rule (that I never set) about it having to be NEW smack--so here is an ALL-NEW, 'very special episode' of today's smaquery.
* * * *
Odell Thurman wiped the blood off his hands with obvious distaste. "Never fails," he said. "Messiest game of the year. Last season I showered four times after the game, and I still couldn't get all the entrails and skin tissue out of my hair."
"Oh, stop your moaning," said Dave Pollack, skipping up to the defensive huddle. "The tight end STILL has his hands inside my jersey. Look, I'm used to being held, but it creeps me out the way the Tech players get into the 'intimate touching' part of it. It's DISGUSTING. Say, what's with this gameday crowd? I keep waving my arms, and I'd say they're only about 80 percent as loud as last week."
"Don't forget, we're in Tech's place," said Odell, spitting a piece of an ear into his hand. "There are still a few Tech fans scattered around up there. HEY THORNTON, YOU BEEN TYSONED," he suddenly barked, dropping the ear down the back of Thornton's jersey.
"Man, I HATE it when you do that," said Thornton, trying to wiggle the detached organ from the place where it had lodged in his pads. "What'm I gonna tell my lady if she finds it on me later? How do I get this thing out?"
"Skipping helps," said Pollack. "That's how I got started. Man, I miss Gilbert and Boss. They always brought their toothbrush into the D huddle. Very good etiquette, those two--these new dudes could learn somethin' from 'em."
"Good tooth care is essential," said the Tech tight end, still hanging from Pollack's shoulders. "Otherwise you can get pyrrahea and..."
"Shut UP," said Pollack, rattling the player with his fist. "I told you to ASK PERMISSION before talking. And call each of us 'Great Bwana.' Like 'Great Bwana Pollack' and 'Great Bwana Davis'; 'Great Bwana Thurman'..." Screw up again and I won't let you attend our huddles."
"Yes, Great Bwana Pollack," said the tight end obediently. "Please don't send me away. I like it here with you."
"Shut UP," said Pollack. "Now. Who still doesn't have a sack?"
Several scrubs raised their hands. "Oo! Oo! Me! Me!" said Thomas Davis, jumping up and down, bashing his way to the front.
"Davis, you've got SIX," said Pollack. "I counted. Let someone else have a chance. You're too selfish, that's your problem." Davis hung his head in shame and sniffed; Davis was known for his tender feelings. Pollack continued, "Sandra, how 'bout you?"
"Nope, I got Ball on the last play," said Sandra, the water-squirter chick. "I can't believe how easy it was to run him down. If it wasn't 'that time of the month,' I could have made him cry and hand me the ball. Then again, maybe it was 'that time of the month' for Ball, too."
"Say, where is Ball, anyway?" asked Pollack, peering at the Tech offensive huddle. The Jackets formed a small cluster of whining, moaning football players, some of them on their hands and knees fumbling for stray body parts. But Ball was not among them. Nor were A. J. Suggs, who was considering another transfer and was away visiting schools as geographically distant from Athens, Georgia, as possible; or Nefarious Bilbo, who was now rumored to be part of the Federal Witness Protection Program.
"I last saw Reggie about six plays ago," said Davis. "I just figured they took him out because the ball wasn't making it as far as the quarterback anyway. I know I took the snap directly from the center twice. Those guys are SLOW."
"Say, you don't think that kid wussed out on us, do you?" said Thornton. "If he..." Thornton broke off. "Hey, Odell, c'mon, man, not just your hands, wipe your feet, too. You're NASTY. I think you stepped in a huge wad of gum."
Thurman examined his right cleats, then his left. Slowly a broad smile began to spread across his face. "I don't think that's gum," said Pollack.
"TECHHHHH-waddddd," said Odell, savoring the sound of it. "REGGGGIE barrrr."
"Great Bwana Thurman, could I have it when you wipe it off your cleats?" asked the tight end, reverently, offering the inside of his helmet as a receptacle. "He was the best quarterback we had."
"Shut UP," said Pollack.
"Three out of six, three out of six," screeched a lone rat-capper in the diminishing crowd.
OK, I'll just tell ya in advance, it SUCKS, and anything you guys do shows you OWN me, I understand the rules. However Techbert added the rule (that I never set) about it having to be NEW smack--so here is an ALL-NEW, 'very special episode' of today's smaquery.
* * * *
Odell Thurman wiped the blood off his hands with obvious distaste. "Never fails," he said. "Messiest game of the year. Last season I showered four times after the game, and I still couldn't get all the entrails and skin tissue out of my hair."
"Oh, stop your moaning," said Dave Pollack, skipping up to the defensive huddle. "The tight end STILL has his hands inside my jersey. Look, I'm used to being held, but it creeps me out the way the Tech players get into the 'intimate touching' part of it. It's DISGUSTING. Say, what's with this gameday crowd? I keep waving my arms, and I'd say they're only about 80 percent as loud as last week."
"Don't forget, we're in Tech's place," said Odell, spitting a piece of an ear into his hand. "There are still a few Tech fans scattered around up there. HEY THORNTON, YOU BEEN TYSONED," he suddenly barked, dropping the ear down the back of Thornton's jersey.
"Man, I HATE it when you do that," said Thornton, trying to wiggle the detached organ from the place where it had lodged in his pads. "What'm I gonna tell my lady if she finds it on me later? How do I get this thing out?"
"Skipping helps," said Pollack. "That's how I got started. Man, I miss Gilbert and Boss. They always brought their toothbrush into the D huddle. Very good etiquette, those two--these new dudes could learn somethin' from 'em."
"Good tooth care is essential," said the Tech tight end, still hanging from Pollack's shoulders. "Otherwise you can get pyrrahea and..."
"Shut UP," said Pollack, rattling the player with his fist. "I told you to ASK PERMISSION before talking. And call each of us 'Great Bwana.' Like 'Great Bwana Pollack' and 'Great Bwana Davis'; 'Great Bwana Thurman'..." Screw up again and I won't let you attend our huddles."
"Yes, Great Bwana Pollack," said the tight end obediently. "Please don't send me away. I like it here with you."
"Shut UP," said Pollack. "Now. Who still doesn't have a sack?"
Several scrubs raised their hands. "Oo! Oo! Me! Me!" said Thomas Davis, jumping up and down, bashing his way to the front.
"Davis, you've got SIX," said Pollack. "I counted. Let someone else have a chance. You're too selfish, that's your problem." Davis hung his head in shame and sniffed; Davis was known for his tender feelings. Pollack continued, "Sandra, how 'bout you?"
"Nope, I got Ball on the last play," said Sandra, the water-squirter chick. "I can't believe how easy it was to run him down. If it wasn't 'that time of the month,' I could have made him cry and hand me the ball. Then again, maybe it was 'that time of the month' for Ball, too."
"Say, where is Ball, anyway?" asked Pollack, peering at the Tech offensive huddle. The Jackets formed a small cluster of whining, moaning football players, some of them on their hands and knees fumbling for stray body parts. But Ball was not among them. Nor were A. J. Suggs, who was considering another transfer and was away visiting schools as geographically distant from Athens, Georgia, as possible; or Nefarious Bilbo, who was now rumored to be part of the Federal Witness Protection Program.
"I last saw Reggie about six plays ago," said Davis. "I just figured they took him out because the ball wasn't making it as far as the quarterback anyway. I know I took the snap directly from the center twice. Those guys are SLOW."
"Say, you don't think that kid wussed out on us, do you?" said Thornton. "If he..." Thornton broke off. "Hey, Odell, c'mon, man, not just your hands, wipe your feet, too. You're NASTY. I think you stepped in a huge wad of gum."
Thurman examined his right cleats, then his left. Slowly a broad smile began to spread across his face. "I don't think that's gum," said Pollack.
"TECHHHHH-waddddd," said Odell, savoring the sound of it. "REGGGGIE barrrr."
"Great Bwana Thurman, could I have it when you wipe it off your cleats?" asked the tight end, reverently, offering the inside of his helmet as a receptacle. "He was the best quarterback we had."
"Shut UP," said Pollack.
"Three out of six, three out of six," screeched a lone rat-capper in the diminishing crowd.
