what's the funniest UGA joke you've ever heard?
- Thread starter ylojk8
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gnats67
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Re: what\'s the funniest UGA joke you\'ve ever heard?
Maybe not the funniest but here's one -
A graduate from UGA was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later the bulldog complained to the doctor that the suppositories had not produce the desired results.
"Have you been taking them regularly?" the doctor asked.
"What do you think I've been doing," asked the bulldog, "shoving them up my ass?"
Maybe not the funniest but here's one -
A graduate from UGA was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later the bulldog complained to the doctor that the suppositories had not produce the desired results.
"Have you been taking them regularly?" the doctor asked.
"What do you think I've been doing," asked the bulldog, "shoving them up my ass?"
Re: what\'s the funniest UGA joke you\'ve ever heard?
The funniest thing I heard is unfortunately a truth...
how about the millionaire that gave money to build the Athletes academic facility at UGAg... contradiction in terms if you ask me... thought they just needed a modem to pass classes
GO JACKETS!!! THWG!!!
The funniest thing I heard is unfortunately a truth...
how about the millionaire that gave money to build the Athletes academic facility at UGAg... contradiction in terms if you ask me... thought they just needed a modem to pass classes
GO JACKETS!!! THWG!!!
Re: what\'s the funniest UGA joke you\'ve ever heard?
here's a stupid Tech joke:
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0 system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix this problem, but to no avail. What can I do?
Desperate(AKA Beat UGA)
Dear Desperate
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.WAV files.
DO NOT install Mother-in-Law or reinstall Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.0.
Good Luck.
here's a stupid Tech joke:
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0 system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix this problem, but to no avail. What can I do?
Desperate(AKA Beat UGA)
Dear Desperate
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.WAV files.
DO NOT install Mother-in-Law or reinstall Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.0.
Good Luck.
JacketDude
Varsity Lurker
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2002
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Re: what\'s the funniest UGA joke you\'ve ever heard?
After Mark Richt dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Mark a little two-bedroom house with a faded Georgia banner hanging from the front porch. "This is your house, coach. Most people don't get their own houses up here," God says. Coach Richt looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. GT flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Yellow Jacket banner hangs between the marble columns. "Thanks for the house, God. But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and Gailey gets a mansion with GT banners and flags flying all over the place. Why is that?" God looks at him seriously for a moment. "That's not Gailey's house," God says. "That's mine."
After Mark Richt dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Mark a little two-bedroom house with a faded Georgia banner hanging from the front porch. "This is your house, coach. Most people don't get their own houses up here," God says. Coach Richt looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. GT flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Yellow Jacket banner hangs between the marble columns. "Thanks for the house, God. But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and Gailey gets a mansion with GT banners and flags flying all over the place. Why is that?" God looks at him seriously for a moment. "That's not Gailey's house," God says. "That's mine."
Re: what\'s the funniest UGA joke you\'ve ever heard?
The way U<sic>GAg won their games against Clemson and USC .. you'd think that he's struck a deal with the devil.
We know for fact that he's worked for the devil before (F$U).
<font size="2" face="Arial, Verdana, Sans-Serif">what's this talk about Richt entering the Pearly Gates???
The way U<sic>GAg won their games against Clemson and USC .. you'd think that he's struck a deal with the devil.
We know for fact that he's worked for the devil before (F$U).
techjacket
Jolly Good Fellow
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- Nov 11, 2001
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Re: what\'s the funniest UGA joke you\'ve ever heard?
oldy but goody
What does a UGAG graduate call a Tech graduate?
Boss
oldy but goody
What does a UGAG graduate call a Tech graduate?
Boss
bobby dodds ghost
Damn Good Rat
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2002
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- 1,492
Re: what\'s the funniest UGA joke you\'ve ever heard?
Here's one:
On a tour of Georgia, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the Georgia coastline on an impromptu sightseeing trip. His 4X4 Pope-mobile was driving along the beautiful shoreline when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene,
the Pope noticed in the water a hapless man wearing a University of GA. football jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a huge shark.
At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Georgia Tech football jerseys roared into view from around the point. Immediately, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark's ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Georgia man from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death. They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious man into the boat along with the dead shark and then
prepared for a hasty retreat when they heard frantic shouting from the shore. It was the Pope summoning them to the beach.
After they reached the shore, the Pope praised them for the rescue and said, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some bitter hatred between the people of Georgia and Georgia Tech, but now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of true harmony and could serve as a model on which other states could follow". He blessed them all and drove off in a
cloud of dust.
As he departed, the harpooner asked the others, "Who was that?" "That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom. " "Well," the harpooner replied, "he doesn't know squat about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up okay or do we need to get another one?"
.
.
BOO
Here's one:
On a tour of Georgia, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the Georgia coastline on an impromptu sightseeing trip. His 4X4 Pope-mobile was driving along the beautiful shoreline when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene,
the Pope noticed in the water a hapless man wearing a University of GA. football jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a huge shark.
At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Georgia Tech football jerseys roared into view from around the point. Immediately, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark's ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Georgia man from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death. They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious man into the boat along with the dead shark and then
prepared for a hasty retreat when they heard frantic shouting from the shore. It was the Pope summoning them to the beach.
After they reached the shore, the Pope praised them for the rescue and said, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some bitter hatred between the people of Georgia and Georgia Tech, but now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of true harmony and could serve as a model on which other states could follow". He blessed them all and drove off in a
cloud of dust.
As he departed, the harpooner asked the others, "Who was that?" "That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom. " "Well," the harpooner replied, "he doesn't know squat about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up okay or do we need to get another one?"
.
.
BOO
bobby dodds ghost
Damn Good Rat
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- 1,492
Re: what\'s the funniest UGA joke you\'ve ever heard?
Here's a Tech joke:
Dan Reeves and Chan Gailey were walking back from a prayer meeting years ago in south Georgia. They came upon a young female pig stuck between the rails of a neighbor's roadside fence. They both could not help but notice how the poor pig's hindquarters wiggled and bucked as the pig tried to free itself.
Young Dan said, "Boy, I wish that was Marilyn Monroe over there in that fence."
.
Young Chan thought and spoke, "Boy I just wish it was dark."
.
.
BOO
Here's a Tech joke:
Dan Reeves and Chan Gailey were walking back from a prayer meeting years ago in south Georgia. They came upon a young female pig stuck between the rails of a neighbor's roadside fence. They both could not help but notice how the poor pig's hindquarters wiggled and bucked as the pig tried to free itself.
Young Dan said, "Boy, I wish that was Marilyn Monroe over there in that fence."
.
Young Chan thought and spoke, "Boy I just wish it was dark."
.
.
BOO
Re: what\'s the funniest UGA joke you\'ve ever heard?
Billy Joe, the son of a UGA grad, started his first day of first grade. When he got home he rushed to tell his father, "Pa, Pa, the teacher ast us to ree-cite the alpherbet today an ah wuz the onliest one that could!"
Pa replied "That's cuz you's got UGA blood in you, son!"
The next day he came home and said "Pa, Pa, the teacher ast us to count as high as we could en ah counted the highest!"
Pa replied, "That's cuz you's got UGA blood in you, son!"
The next day, Billy Joe came home and said "Pa, Pa, today, when we wuz all in the li'l boys room, and ah noticed ah wuz the biggest of all! Ah bet that's cuz ah got UGA blood in me, huh Pa?"
Paw replied, "No son, that's cuz yer 16 years old."
Billy Joe, the son of a UGA grad, started his first day of first grade. When he got home he rushed to tell his father, "Pa, Pa, the teacher ast us to ree-cite the alpherbet today an ah wuz the onliest one that could!"
Pa replied "That's cuz you's got UGA blood in you, son!"
The next day he came home and said "Pa, Pa, the teacher ast us to count as high as we could en ah counted the highest!"
Pa replied, "That's cuz you's got UGA blood in you, son!"
The next day, Billy Joe came home and said "Pa, Pa, today, when we wuz all in the li'l boys room, and ah noticed ah wuz the biggest of all! Ah bet that's cuz ah got UGA blood in me, huh Pa?"
Paw replied, "No son, that's cuz yer 16 years old."
calderman420
Varsity Lurker
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2002
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Re: what\'s the funniest UGA joke you\'ve ever heard?
How many old jokes can we tell? I'm bored, here's another...
A guy walks into a bar in Athens, sits down, and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a funny joke about uga.
The bartender says: "Hey man, listen. See those two big guys playing pool? They're former linemen for the uga football team. And do you see those other guys playing darts over there? One of them is a former weightlifter on the uga weightlifting team, and the other is a former all-america wrestler for uga. And me, I'm a former letterman in three different varsity uga sports. So do you still want to tell that joke about the university of Georgia?"
To this, the guy replies, "Nah, I dont want to have to explain it five times."
How many old jokes can we tell? I'm bored, here's another...
A guy walks into a bar in Athens, sits down, and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a funny joke about uga.
The bartender says: "Hey man, listen. See those two big guys playing pool? They're former linemen for the uga football team. And do you see those other guys playing darts over there? One of them is a former weightlifter on the uga weightlifting team, and the other is a former all-america wrestler for uga. And me, I'm a former letterman in three different varsity uga sports. So do you still want to tell that joke about the university of Georgia?"
To this, the guy replies, "Nah, I dont want to have to explain it five times."
ramblinwise1
beware the zealot
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2001
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- 18,351
Re: what\'s the funniest UGA joke you\'ve ever heard?
A UGAg graduate who was an atheist was walking thru the woods when he sees this big black bear, which immediately rears on its hind legs and gives chase. The UGAgraduate, who played football, turned and ran but when he looked around he was filled with horror to see that the bear was actually gaining on him...
After furiously running with all his might he finally turned again to see the bear right behind him. As he slips to the ground, the bear raises a paw about to smash his skull and the UGAgraduate cries "Oh my God, if you will help me know I will never ever doubt your existence again"
All of a sudden everything freezes, the bear, the movement of the air, even the rush of the nearby river. Then the booming voice of God echo's out "will you then proclaim me as the 1 true living God and become a Christian".
The UGAgraduate thought about it for a moment and then replied. "Alas, I would be humiliated forever if I went back to my friends now and proclaimed faith in God. Instead, I pray thee that you instead make this bear a Christian..."
The voice of God replied "Very well" and then the air started to move, the river to flow again, and the bear stirred. But it lowered its paw and looked towards the heavens and the heart of UGAgraduate leapt!
The bear put its paws together and looking skyward began to speak saying, "God is great, God is good, let us thank him for this food..."
A UGAg graduate who was an atheist was walking thru the woods when he sees this big black bear, which immediately rears on its hind legs and gives chase. The UGAgraduate, who played football, turned and ran but when he looked around he was filled with horror to see that the bear was actually gaining on him...
After furiously running with all his might he finally turned again to see the bear right behind him. As he slips to the ground, the bear raises a paw about to smash his skull and the UGAgraduate cries "Oh my God, if you will help me know I will never ever doubt your existence again"
All of a sudden everything freezes, the bear, the movement of the air, even the rush of the nearby river. Then the booming voice of God echo's out "will you then proclaim me as the 1 true living God and become a Christian".
The UGAgraduate thought about it for a moment and then replied. "Alas, I would be humiliated forever if I went back to my friends now and proclaimed faith in God. Instead, I pray thee that you instead make this bear a Christian..."
The voice of God replied "Very well" and then the air started to move, the river to flow again, and the bear stirred. But it lowered its paw and looked towards the heavens and the heart of UGAgraduate leapt!
The bear put its paws together and looking skyward began to speak saying, "God is great, God is good, let us thank him for this food..."
Re: what\'s the funniest UGA joke you\'ve ever heard?
an education major from U<sic>GAg became an elementary school teacher.
in one class, the teacher, a huge UGA fan obviously, asks the kids who in the classroom is a UGA fan. the teacher raises his own hand high and firm.
looking at their teacher, all kids raise their hand too, though they don't know anything about college sports. all but the brightest kid in the class.
this little girl, who aces all her tests of course, firmly folds her hands and huffs.
the teacher notices the little girl and asks her "so you're not a UGA fan??"
the little girl goes "NO! i am a yellow jacket"
the teacher turns bright red and asks the girl "why are you a yellow jacket?"
the girl replies "cause my mom and dad are yellow jackets".
the teacher goes "so what? if your mom and dad were morons, would you be a moron too?"
to this the little girl replies "No. then i would be a uga fan"
an education major from U<sic>GAg became an elementary school teacher.
in one class, the teacher, a huge UGA fan obviously, asks the kids who in the classroom is a UGA fan. the teacher raises his own hand high and firm.
looking at their teacher, all kids raise their hand too, though they don't know anything about college sports. all but the brightest kid in the class.
this little girl, who aces all her tests of course, firmly folds her hands and huffs.
the teacher notices the little girl and asks her "so you're not a UGA fan??"
the little girl goes "NO! i am a yellow jacket"
the teacher turns bright red and asks the girl "why are you a yellow jacket?"
the girl replies "cause my mom and dad are yellow jackets".
the teacher goes "so what? if your mom and dad were morons, would you be a moron too?"
to this the little girl replies "No. then i would be a uga fan"
Big Bubba Ray
Dodd-Like
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- Jul 30, 2002
- Messages
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Re: what\'s the funniest UGA joke you\'ve ever heard?
What has 20,000 legs and 6 teeth?
The front row at Sanford stadium.
BBR
What has 20,000 legs and 6 teeth?
The front row at Sanford stadium.
BBR
what\'s the funniest UGA joke you\'ve ever heard?
i thought that the board was going stagnant.
here's the funniest (and stupidest) UGA joke i've ever heard.
Two UGA grads were playing chess.
(get it???
)
Two more came along so they decided to play doubles.
One team started to lose really bad, so the other team gave them a handicap. The winning team decided to level the playing field by playing with their left hands.
Things still didn't improve for the losing team until they peeked out of the window and saw it pouring. The chess game was therefore washed out due to inclement weather.
if someone has stupider and funnier UGA jokes .. do share!
i thought that the board was going stagnant.
here's the funniest (and stupidest) UGA joke i've ever heard.
Two UGA grads were playing chess.
(get it???
Two more came along so they decided to play doubles.
One team started to lose really bad, so the other team gave them a handicap. The winning team decided to level the playing field by playing with their left hands.
Things still didn't improve for the losing team until they peeked out of the window and saw it pouring. The chess game was therefore washed out due to inclement weather.
if someone has stupider and funnier UGA jokes .. do share!
dogworking
Varsity Lurker
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2002
- Messages
- 5
Re: what\'s the funniest UGA joke you\'ve ever heard?
That some GT fans think that your team can beat UGA this year.
That some GT fans think that your team can beat UGA this year.